


Sanity and Insanity

by douchebagindisguise



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Canon Dialogue, Endgame Ralvez, Episode: s07e04 Painless, F/F, M/M, Moreid, Ralvez - Freeform, Sorry Not Sorry, derek morgan and penelope garcia bromance, fluffy moreid, i love spencer?? a lot, self insert? kind of, someone hunts reid because reid is a Good Boy, spencer makes unintentional innuendos, spencer was a Wild Child, the unsub is my oc lmaoo, the unsubs are always my oc's, there will be some luke/spencer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2018-12-16 11:48:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11828130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/douchebagindisguise/pseuds/douchebagindisguise
Summary: Doctor Spencer Reid has never been noticed by anyone besides teachers and professors. He's not sure what to do when he starts to get noticed by his extremely attractive co-worker and a manic serial killer.





	1. Thank You Happy Birthday

**Author's Note:**

> Canon Dialogue from Season Seven Episode Four, "Painless"

Spencer had been getting calls all day. He would feel the vibrations of his cell and hear the obnoxious ringtone over and over. He ignored it for the first couple hours while they worked on the case. It was easy to tune out the noise or fish the phone out of his pocket and decline the call. He noticed the sly smirk on Derek’s face but he didn’t pay it any mind. He tried to focus on the case. Hotch pulled him out of his thoughts, “The unsub didn’t develop his sense of empathy because it was cut off.” Aaron looked to Reid, “Does every person with Asymbolia have this?” Spencer declined the first call as he answered Aaron’s question.

“Actually most feel empathy just fine, which makes me think the rest of our profile is still accurate. Loner, invisible,” Another loud ringing brought him away from his work, “Outcast, boiling rage-” He answered the call and his face turned a bright red, “Son of a bitch! Hi! This is Doctor Spencer Reid. I actually can come to the phone right now with a very special message that your mother is-” Aaron interrupted him.

“Reid.” His voice was stern and focussed. The anger that burned on his face faded away and was replaced with a look of embarrassment and confusion in himself.

“Sorry. I’m really sorry. I don’t know what got into me. Where were we?” Spencer said, shaking his head and he shoved the phone back in his pocket and listened to Hotch’s response. 

“I’m going to have Garcia check medical records. What causes Asymbolia?” Hotch asked, and Spencer watched the way Derek bit his lip to stifle a laugh.

Spencer stared at Derek, “S-Severe trauma produces lesions in the insular cortex, usually after a stroke. But this unsub’s so young it’s most likely caused by an external factor.” He explained, keeping direct eye contact with Derek. The dark skinned man rubbed his face but Spencer caught the smile behind his hand.

Rossi glanced at Spencer, “Like a bomb going off next to him?” Rossi interjected and Reid raised his eyebrows and nodded but kept his eyes locked on Derek.

“Yeah, a bomb going off next to him,” Reid answered and Hotch and Rossi began walking away. Reid bent over the photos and turned them towards him so he could analyze them better. “I will crush you,” Spencer mumbled under his breath and Derek looked at him.

“What?” He questioned and Spencer gave him a sweet smile and batted his eyelashes innocently at him.

“What?” Spencer repeated after him and Derek shook his head with a laugh. Spencer felt a smile on his face from just hearing the other man’s soft chuckle. He had an idea.

 

On the plane ride back, Derek had slid on his headphones and stole glances at Spencer sleeping soundly. His music always helped him relax after a difficult case. A cliche record scratch was heard in his headphones and he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He listened to what came next.

_“We interrupt your regularly scheduled music selection with an important announcement. Never wage a practical joke war against an M.I.T. graduate, because we have a history of going nuclear.”_ Derek listened to the recording of Spencer’s voice and laughed quietly. He glanced at Spencer, the boy had a small smile on his face. _“Now sit back, relax and enjoy the dulcet sounds of me screaming in your ear.”_ Derek pulled off his headphones quickly as Spencer’s screaming sounded loudly from his headphones. Emily glanced at him with a startled expression and grinned after she realized what happened.

Derek looked at Spencer and laughed softly, “Okay, pretty boy, that was cute. But that’s all you got?” Derek asked while Spencer made fake snoring noises. Derek’s phone began to ring and he answered it, seeing the caller ID was Penelope, “Hey, baby girl-” He pulled the phone away from his ear as he heard more screaming. He shook his head and stared at Spencer, “Alright, Reid, it’s on. Just know that paybacks are a bitch.” He said and Spencer made more fake snoring noises despite the cute little smile that stayed on his face. Emily got up and moved to sit by Rossi. Derek laughed softly as Spencer opened one eye and his smile grew wider.

The rest of the flight was uneventful. It was a full hour and a half of Derek and Spencer sneaking glances at each other. JJ watched them out of the corner of her eye and despite how obvious it was, she didn’t intervene. She knew those two boys had something going on between them. The small glances showed they both had feelings neither of them were expressing. The sweet smiles gave off similar signs. JJ watched as Derek slipped his headphones back on and glanced up at Spencer and caught him staring. Spencer cleared his throat and looked away, which caused Derek to crack another grin as he played his music again. The whole interaction made JJ smile.

 

Spencer, for the first time, had gotten into the office later than Derek. He had instinctively walked into the break room and poured himself a cup of coffee, almost dumping what looked like a pound of sugar into the mug. He used one of the plastic stirring straws just as Derek entered the room. He had a grin on his face and stared at Spencer as the boy took a drink of his coffee. Spencer furrowed his brows at the drink and shrugged before taking another drink. Derek watched him lean against the countertop with a sly smirk on his face.

“Want a drink, Morgan?” Spencer said, holding the mischievous grin. Morgan raised his eyebrows and hesitantly took the mug. He took a drink and almost immediately choked, swallowing it down and coughing before handing the mug back. Spencer let out a soft chuckle as Derek filled a cup with water and drank it down. “Salt instead of sugar. Classic one, Derek. Do you realize I was bullied in high school? I’ve gotten that one so often that I’ve desensitized myself to that taste. You’re gonna have to get better if you wanna fool me.” Spencer said and dumped the coffee into the sink before reaching into the back of the cupboard to grab the actual sugar. He poured himself another cup of coffee and dumped a ton of sugar in it before glancing at Derek who looked defeated, “Better luck next time, Derek.” He said and walked out of the break room with a smile on his face.

Derek laughed softly and watched Spencer walk out, eyeing his round ass. Derek let out a dark laugh as an idea hatched in his head. It would be risky so he decided to go over it with his lovely Garcia. As he walked down to her tech lab, he passed Kevin, who looked a little less than presentable. The sight made him chuckle as he knocked on her door before opening it and walking in. “Sugar, spice and everything nice, how are you baby?” Derek said and leaned on her desk.

Penelope grinned, she looked flawless as always. Makeup and hair on point as well as her accessories and outfit. The picture of perfection glanced at him and turned in her chair to face him. “I’m fantastic, what about you, hot stuff?” She let out a soft giggle.

“Needing some advice, you know about Reid and I’s friendly practical joke war?” Derek asked and she laughed. 

“Keep telling yourself it’s friendly because even though I’m not a profiler there is _something_ going on between my Boy Wonder and my Chocolate Thunder,” Penelope said and made motions towards Derek. “What kind of advice would you need from me?” Derek smirked and she laughed, “Oh, I know that look. You have an idea. Please explain, don’t keep me waiting.” She hummed, donning a bright grin.

 

There was no case that day, they stayed in the office and worked on their reports. A day well spent, Spencer decided. He was able to put all his reports in Hotch’s office by the end of the day and was able to finish two books before his coworkers decided to leave. He hadn’t noticed until Derek had stopped by his desk.

“Working hard or hardly working?” Derek said and Spencer rolled his eyes and closed his book, setting it on the desk in front of him. Spencer stood up and grabbed his bag but Derek stopped him. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where do you think you’re going, pretty boy?” Derek said softly and backed Spencer into the desk. The young doctor looked confused, a soft pink blush came over his cheeks. Derek placed his hands on Spencer’s hips and leaned in close.

“I wanted to go home, actually.” Spencer squeaked and felt himself freeze up with the direct contact. Derek’s hands on his hips was extremely distracting, he was just glad no one was here to witness the awkward exchange. Derek let out a low chuckle and trailed his hands up Spencer’s back, reaching beneath his collared shirt and cardigan.

“There’s room at my house, if you wanna get fuckin’ _pranked_ ,” Derek said and backed up while cackling. He heard Spencer let out a breath Derek was unaware he was holding. Spencer nodded and grabbed his bag off the floor, shoving his papers and books into his bag.

“Good one, Morgan. You really got me.” Spencer said, his voice monotone and started walking towards the exit. Derek gave him a weird look and grabbed his wrist.

“Reid, it was just a joke. Don’t take it too seriously.” Derek said with what was hopefully a sincere smile. Spencer gave him a slanted, awkward smile with a hidden emotion that, despite Derek’s time as a profiler, he couldn’t figure out what it was. Spencer nodded and tugged his hand free, walking towards the exit with the same odd smile. Derek rubbed his face and stared after the boy. He knew he made a mistake when he saw the worry in Spencer’s eyes.

 

Over the next two days, Spencer had been avoiding Derek like the plague. He refused to talk to him and barely cast a passing glance. Derek was getting annoyed with the way Spencer was acting and was going to confront him about it. Spencer came into the office late with his bag in hand. His hair was messier than usual and he held two cups of coffee. As he walked in, he dropped one empty cup into the garbage can and started drinking the other. He turned his chair around and sat down before dropping his bag on the ground. The young agent quickly logged into his computer and pulled up several tabs. Loud, frantic clicking was heard and Derek glanced over and excused himself from his conversation with Emily. Spencer turned in his chair to reach for his bag and almost knocked his second cup over but Derek reached for it before it fell. Spencer paid no mind to the action as he pulled out papers from his bag and splayed them on the table. Derek furrowed his eyebrows and placed a hand on Spencer’s shoulder. The doctor jumped and dropped half his papers before stopping.

“What?” Spencer’s voice was raspy and sounded sore. He didn’t look at Derek as he gathered up his papers. He stood up and organized the papers on his desk before glancing up at Derek. He laughed softly and squeezed Spencer’s shoulder.

“Are you okay? How many of these have you had today?” Derek asked, tapping the cup on the wooden desk. Spencer took the time when Derek was talking to stand up and look at all the papers on his desk. 

Spencer hummed before answering, “Today, this is the third. Since last night, I’m sure it’s number twelve.” He said, his voice fairly uneven as he grabbed a pen from his desk and bent over to circle one phrase on each paper.

“You didn’t sleep at all?” Derek asked and Spencer nodded, grabbing a blank piece of paper and jotting down notes. Derek looked over his shoulder and was careful not to disturb the papers that were somehow neatly splayed around the table. They each had dates on them, there were at least twenty pages lying on his desk. “Pretty boy, what is all this?” Derek asked softly and Spencer clicked his pen and set it down. The young doctor stared at the papers and sat down again.

“They’re letters.” He said, not looking up. “I’ve been receiving them in the mail for about six months. It’s always one, three page letter every month on exactly the 28th. They’ve been extremely strange. They’re all signed with the initials J.B. I don’t know anyone with the initials J.B.” Spencer said and rested his elbows on the desk and propped his head up. He stared at the letters as if trying to decipher every word.

Derek scoffed, “Why didn’t you tell me about this?” He asked and Spencer simply shrugged. Despite the question, Derek knew why the young man hadn’t informed him of the letters. Spencer stood up again and started shuffling the papers around.

“It didn’t seem important at the time but I stopped getting them so I didn’t think much of it. I got another one yesterday so I brought them together and they each have one line that’s different from the others. It’s always a quote from Oscar Wilde. See, the first letter I got has the quote, _“I can resist everything except temptation.”_ In the second one the quote was, _“I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.”_ Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Oscar Wilde was gay.” Spencer mumbled, his last statement sounded more like a mental note than something to tell Derek.

“Why would that mean anything?” Derek asked and Spencer just shook his head in response. Derek picked up the first letter and read it, furrowing his eyebrows. “This letter has a lot of very strange language and wording. It sounds like this person has a weird obsession with you. The way he talks about you is downright vulgar.” Derek said and set the page down. Spencer nodded.

“Again, I didn’t pay it any mind until now. February 28th, _“I have nothing to declare except my genius.”_ Despite how much he knows about me, he declared himself a genius. Which is quite egotistical. He might have a higher than average IQ but nothing genius level.” Spencer said and Derek raised his eyebrows. The way Spencer spoke was amusing at times.

“Wait, Reid. How do you know the suspect is male? It could be a female-” Derek started but Spencer interrupted him before he could finish.

“No, the suspect is male. Females don’t use this kind of vulgar wording. The last letter was honestly quite worrying.” Spencer said and handed Derek the two pages from the previous month. As he read over them Spencer scribbled down the quotes from each page and what date the letter was from. Derek bit his lip as he read this, different emotions flashing over his face. First disgust, then anger. He set the letter down and rubbed his face. 

“Reid, he talks about killing someone. I think we need to bring this to Hotch.” Derek suggested and Spencer snorted and shook his head. Derek furrowed his brows, “Reid, this is Class A stalker behavior. He could be killing to get your attention.” Derek countered and Spencer sighed.

“Don’t worry about it, Morgan. I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.” Spencer was trying his hardest to get the older agent off his back.

Derek was about to respond when Garcia came out of her office holding a case file, she told them to gather for a meeting. Spencer sighed and gathered his papers up and shoved them in his desk. He followed Derek into the room and sat down beside him. Garcia furrowed her brows and shook her head, “This one is bad. Tully Matthews was found in a park in Boulder, Colorado yesterday at approximately 3:25pm by an elderly couple on their daily jog. The pictures are… disturbing to say the least.” She said and used her powerpoint clicker to bring the photos on the board, “He was found with rose petals scattered around him and his arms folded across his chest. The coroner hasn’t gotten me his report yet but just by the look of it, I can tell there was a lot of sexual assault. Matthews was found was burns, ligature marks on his wrists and ankles, and lots of cuts and bruises. And, his head is gone. He was also found with a letter, and this is where it gets even weirder. The letter was addressed to our very own Doctor Spencer Reid.” Garcia said and brought up pictures of the sealed letter. All eyes turned to the young doctor and he sighed.

“Yesterday was the 28th, every month on that exact date I have been receiving letters signed by J.B. I’ve received these letters of the course of the past six months, but why did he start killing?” Spencer explained and Hotch gave him the ‘look of disappointment’.

“Reid, why wouldn’t you tell us about that? This is really bad.” Hotch said and Spencer shook his head.

“They weren’t this bad until the one from last month, he said something about killing someone. But I didn’t think he would actually commit to that statement.” Spencer said and got up to grab the letters and his notes from his desk before returning.

“How do you know the unsub is male? The victim was male, it could be a female unsub.” Rossi said and Spencer shook his head.

“See, I thought that too, at first. But on further inspection of the letters, I found there was a quote by Oscar Wilde in each letter, always a different one, usually implying sexual and romantic themes. Oscar Wilde was gay, he was imprisoned for having sexual relations with Lord Alfred Douglas in the 1800’s. This unsub is definitely a homosexual. The way he words the letters is very vulgar and I do not think a woman could have written that the way he did. He put more pressure on certain words which means he was very aggressive and more than likely aroused when he wrote them.” Spencer explained, getting off track for only a moment there.

“So our unsub has a schoolgirl crush on our doctor?” Rossi questioned and Spencer nodded, “That’s the first time an unsub has shown an interest in one of our agents.” Rossi said and Hotch frowned.

“I’m worried this will be a similar case to Tobias Hankel,” Hotch said and Spencer visibly tensed and sat down. “We need to get over there, wheels up in twenty,” Hotch said and dismissed the meeting. Spencer had let out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. He felt a hand on his back and he jumped at the touch. Derek didn’t pull his hand away but waited for Spencer to turn to face him before speaking.

“Reid, nothing bad is going to happen to you. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.” Derek said and Spencer’s face donned the same pink blush he had two days prior. 

“Thanks, Derek,” Spencer said quietly and grabbed his papers and walked back to his desk to grab his go-bag.

 

On the plane, Spencer was quiet. He was going over the letters for the entire flight, adding to his pages of accumulated notes. Derek had cast him several glances, he recognized this behavior. When Spencer was stressed, he wouldn’t sleep, eat or talk. He never expressed what was bothering him but Derek knew. Derek could tell there was something else about the case that stressed him out. He assumed it was the sexuality aspect of the unsub. He always had his suspicions that Spencer wasn’t completely straight but his relationship with Maeve was no doubt something important to him. Right before the plane landed, Hotch stood up.

“Reid and Morgan go to the crime scene, I think Reid will work best over there. He needs to review the letter as soon as it gets out of evidence. Prentiss and Rossi will go see the family. JJ and I will set up at the police station. Reid, do you have the other letters?” Hotch asked and Spencer nodded and handed him the folder of almost thirty pages. 

Once the plane landed, they each split off to their respective areas. Derek and Spencer were already off to the crime scene, the air in the car was tense. There was a lot of things they needed to talk about. The night at the office, for one. Spencer had brought one leg up onto the seat and leaned into the car door. 

“Don’t,” Spencer said softly, and Derek shot him a glance before returning his eyes to the road. 

“Don’t what, pretty boy?” Derek asked, and Spencer sighed.

“Don’t bring it up. I don’t want to talk about it and add to my already increasingly high stress. I know you’ve noticed.” Spencer said, his voice uneven and slow.

Derek nodded and cast him another glance, “What have you eaten today?” He asked and Spencer shook his head.

“I haven’t _eaten_ anything. I’ve had three cups of coffee and that’s the extent of it.” He said and Derek frowned.

“You’re going to lose a lot of weight again. I don’t want you to worry about this, I am not going to leave your side. I will protect you with every ounce of my being until this guy is caught. And then some to make sure you’re doing okay. I care about you a lot, Spencer.” Derek said, keeping his eyes trained on the road. Spencer realized that was one of the first times Derek had called him Spencer. It was usually ‘Reid’, ‘kid’ or some stupid nickname he came up with. Spencer felt his face warm slightly and he nodded.

“Thank you.” Spencer replied quietly and didn’t attempt to hide the small smile on his face. 

They pulled up to the scene and Spencer got out and flashed his ID at the cops standing by the tape. They lifted it for Derek and him and the two made their way to the body.

“Agents, I’m Officer Abigail Childs.” A woman in her late 30’s walked up to them. She looked tired, Spencer noticed right off the back that she must have a newborn. She was tired, she looked worn out and definitely not enough sleep. 

“I’m Agent Derek Morgan and this is Doctor Spencer Reid.” Derek shook Officer Childs’ hand. Spencer gave her a small wave, and her eyes widened.

“So you’re the doctor the note was written for. It’s still in evidence, I’ll get that to you soon. What’s his interest in you? Is he a previous suspect?” Childs asked and Spencer shook his head.

“I’ve been receiving similar letters for the past six months, he’s been partially stalking me. Which isn’t hard to do, my file can be easily accessed through government records.” Spencer said and shrugged, walking over to the body while Derek and Childs spoke. The rose petals scattered around the body were already starting to wilt. There wasn’t much blood around the head, it was a clean cut. More than likely with a heavy, sharp blade. Derek walked over and placed a hand on Spencer’s back. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

“Coroner's report came back. High alcohol level in his system. The cause of death was beheading and there were rose petals in his lungs.” Derek said and sighed, handing him the letter in a plastic bag.

“His lungs? Our unsub must’ve had him inhale them or he shoved them down the windpipe. How did they identify him with no head?” Spencer asked and Derek pointed to the tattoo that peeked out of the hem of Matthews’ shirt. Spencer nodded and read over the letter, frowning as he went. He handed it back to Derek, “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” Spencer said and Derek raised an eyebrow at him.

“What?” Derek questioned and skimmed over the letter.

“The Oscar Wilde quote, it’s in the letter. Second page, line thirty-two.” Spencer said and turned to Officer Childs. “Have your team check the rest of the park and all the dumpsters in the surrounding area for the head. If you don’t find it then we can assume he kept it as a trophy.” Spencer said and Childs nodded. 

“One hell of a trophy,” Derek mumbled and shook his head. He read the letter over a couple times and frowned. “This guy is sick, he’s a sadist, a psychopath. He enjoys doing this and he wants you to see what he’s done.” Derek said and Spencer nodded.

“He also said he loved me multiple times, telling me that I was the only one he wanted. This could be Erotomania.” Spencer said and nodded multiple times. Derek frowned and Spencer recognized it as confusion. “Erotomania is when someone believes that another is secretly in love with them. They will go to extreme lengths to make sure this person knows and if they deny it then the unsub thinks it’s part of some elaborate scheme to hide their love from the world.” Spencer explained and Derek nodded. The two thanked Officer Childs and made their way back to the police station. They may have gotten lost on the way there and argued about it but after a while, they eventually came across the building.

“I _told_ you we had to turn right, _not_ left,” Spencer said as they entered the building. Derek rolled his eyes.

“Sure, genius,” Derek said and walked up to Hotch and JJ. Hotch turned to Derek and nodded at him.

“Anything?” He asked and Spencer explained his theory on Erotomania. Hotch sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “That’s not enough for a profile.” Hotch said and he saw Prentiss and Rossi come into the building with an officer following behind them.

Rossi looked startled, “There’s another body.” He said and the whole group exchanged worried glances before heading out to the crime scene.

 

When they arrived, it was almost identical to the previous scene. Rose petals, no head, a letter propped on top of the body written to Doctor Spencer Reid. Spencer was immediately handed the note. It was much shorter than the previous letters.

“Dear Doctor Spencer Reid, I’m glad you liked my last gift. I got you another one. I want to see you, my long lost love. I won’t stop until I see you. The truth is rarely pure and never simple. You are all I need in this dark, disappointing world. Love, J.B.” Derek read aloud over his shoulder and sighed.

“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.” Spencer repeated, “That’s the Oscar Wilde quote. Hey, what if there was something we could do to make him angry? It would cause him to get sloppy and make a mistake.” Spencer said and Derek nodded.

“That could work. What do you suggest, doctor?” Derek asked and Spencer furrowed his eyebrows.

“If our unsub is watching me, then we know he will be watching my every move. What if I went on a date? Or got a fake partner for the time? That would surely make him extremely angry, seeing me with someone else. Showing him that he can’t have what he craves. We would be cutting off his area of infatuation.” Spencer said and Derek raised his eyebrows in interest.

JJ tried to suppress the smile that graced her cheeks, “Morgan why don’t you take Spence to dinner? Our unsub would definitely be watching him at a local restaurant.” She said and the rest of the group nodded. Spencer felt his cheeks warm and he directed his attention to the floor.

“Sounds like a plan, you down for dinner, pretty boy?” Derek asked and Spencer nodded slowly. The rest of the group understood what was happening and Spencer excused himself.

“I’m going to head back to the hotel.” He said and started walking out, Derek was close on his heels.

“You’re not going anywhere alone.” Derek mused and followed him out to the car. “Reid, this doesn’t have to be a date, you know? It can just be a dinner between friends.” Derek tried to comfort him as they reached the vehicle.

“I’m aware of that. Why do I want it to be a date, then?” Spencer asked, his face bright red as he ran a hand through his caramel curls. Derek laughed softly and started the engine, backing out of the parking lot and driving to the hotel. “Don’t laugh at me, Derek,” Spencer grumbled and Derek shook his head.

“I’m not, but even in that big brain of yours, you’re still unaware of your own feelings.” Derek said and Spencer was about to correct him but he continued, “I think you’re fantastic, you know that, right? I think your intelligence is just a small raindrop in the storm that is Spencer Reid. You’re clever and funny. How oblivious you are to your own feelings is so endearing and sweet.” Derek rambled and parked in front of the hotel. He stopped the car’s engine.

“I don’t believe any of that about myself though. I find myself awkward and unsociable. I’m not good with people.” Spencer countered and shook his head.

“You’re good with me, which is why I want you to let me take you to dinner tonight. I’d like it to be a date. Unfortunate it had to be under these circumstances. Hopefully, you’ll let me take you on a real date when we get back to Quantico.” Derek said and lead Spencer into the building. The younger man nodded as they walked up to their shared hotel room. There were two neatly wrapped boxes by the door.

“They’re from the unsub.” Spencer mumbled, “Do you think this is the ‘two more’ he was talking about?” Spencer asked Derek and the other shrugged. They each picked up a box and brought it into the hotel room. When they opened the boxes, a foul odor drifted from the rotting heads that laid in the wrapped boxes. A note laid under the ribbon, it read “Happy Birthday”.

“Happy Birthday? What does that mean?” Derek asked and was already dialing Hotch’s number while holding his shirt over his nose.

“October 28th is my birthday. It was when I got the first letter. I get the letters on the 28th of each month.” Spencer said and walked to the far side of the room. The rest of the team and the forensics squad got to the hotel not much later, taking the heads to the morgue to be placed with the respective bodies. Derek sat beside Spencer on the hotel beds.

“Dinner sounds real nice right about now,” Spencer mumbled beneath the hands that covered his face. Derek rubbed his back as Spencer leaned into his side. This action surprised the older agent, as Spencer had always been a slight germaphobe. Despite this, Derek comforted him. All of this was extremely stressful on him and it was obvious. Derek stood up and took Spencer by the hand and lead him out of the hotel room. He kept a hand on the small of Spencer’s back as they made their way to the car. Spencer was silent as he got into the car and leaned against the car door with his knees pulled up to his chest. Derek cast him a glance before starting the car and driving far away from the hotel. Derek could feel the stress radiating off of Spencer and he sighed quietly. They came across a strip mall with multiple restaurants and shops. 

“What are you feeling, pretty boy? Italian? Latin? I saw a French bakery-” Derek’s question was interrupted by Spencer leaning forward and pointing at a small, almost empty Greek cafe. 

“There,” Spencer said. Twinkling fairy lights hung from the windows and around the door. Through the windows, you could see more fairy lights around the restaurant and paintings that hung on the walls. It looked quiet and quaint. It was definitely a place Derek could see Spencer in. He nodded and pulled into the parking lot. Derek got out first to open the door for Spencer. He took the boy’s hand and Spencer frowned, “What are you doing?” He asked, gesturing to their intertwined fingers.

“Our unsub is watching, right? Let’s give him a show.” Derek said and guided Spencer into the restaurant. Derek got them a table and they sat down across from each other. The patrons of the cafe were limited, there was an elderly couple, two other couples and a family of four. Spencer looked over the menu and fought the urge to look around the restaurant more. His eyes couldn’t focus on the odd Greek font the menu was printed in. He jumped when Derek’s hand found his arm. “Spencer, it’s okay. Let’s talk about something, yeah? How’s your mom?” Derek asked and Spencer attempted to keep his eyes trained on the agent in front of him.

“She’s… doing better. She calls me occasionally now. I miss her a lot, I keep telling myself to go back to Las Vegas to visit but I keep getting caught up in work.” He said and shook his head, his eyes widened slightly and his eyebrows raised. An idea. “Derek, you should come with me, to Vegas.” He blurted, his mouth acting before his mind processed what he was saying. 

“That would definitely be an adventure.” Derek mused with a soft chuckle, “If we could get a weekend off I wouldn’t be opposed to spending a couple days in lovely Las Vegas.” He said and glanced at the menu he lay in front of him.

“A lot of stuff has happened in Las Vegas that I would love to forget. Simply because the past is the past, not because it was something traumatic. The past is made to be forgotten and some things that happened in Vegas can stay there.” Spencer said with a small smile.

“Do you think you’ll ever tell me about your wild Vegas nights?” Derek asked and cracked a grin. Spencer laughed softly.

“Maybe.” He replied as a waitress came over to take their orders. She seemed increasingly irritated that we had come in, seeing as they were understaffed and it was later in the evening. After she took their orders, Derek noticed a tall and slim man enter the restaurant. Even in the dim lighting, he saw that the man was covered in freckles, he had a thin, birdlike face and piercing green eyes. The man and Derek locked eyes and Derek instinctively sat up and squared his shoulders. A large, manic grin spread across the man’s pale face. By the time Spencer noticed his actions, the man was out of sight. Spencer turned around and Derek saw the fear flash across his face as he turned back and looked at him with pure terror in his eyes. 

“Is he…” Spencer started, but he let out a breath and Derek looked at him with furrowed brows. Derek wasn't sure who the man was, but the way he reacted to Derek... It was strange. But it was imperative that the older agent make sure Spencer wasn't scared.

“No, Spencer. He’s not, I thought I recognized someone.” Derek said and Spencer could tell he was lying by the way he waved it off but he didn’t press it. He didn’t want to think about the possibility of being killed any moment-

“Have you heard from your sisters lately?” Spencer interrupted his own awful, intrusive thoughts and tried to keep his full attention on the stories Derek told of his sister’s antics. It was actually interesting to listen to how Derek spoke of his sisters. The tone in his voice and the way he laughed between words showed how much he loves and cares for his sisters. Spencer enjoyed the sparkle in Derek’s eyes when he talked about someone or something he loved. Now that he thought about it, Derek often had the same glimmer in his eyes when they spoke. “You have this shine, in your eyes. When you talk about things you love.” Spencer said, leaning over his nearly clean plate. Derek’s eyebrows raised in interest.

“Really? How could you notice something like that?” Derek asked, and Spencer’s face softened. The young doctor smiled.

“I’m a profiler, Derek. I get paid to notice the small things.” Spencer replied with a quiet chuckle. As the waitress came to clear their plates, Derek asked for the bill. After a short lived argument on who was going to pay the bill, Morgan ended up paying for it when Spencer agreed to pay for ice cream. The two made their way out, and laughter flowed easily between them. Spencer had his arm linked with Morgan’s as they walked towards a nearby ice cream shop. Derek opened the door and allowed Spencer to walk in front of him. The two perfused the different ice cream flavors while giggling over ice cream puns. Derek ended up getting a small scoop of vanilla while Spencer was piling on scoop after scoop with chocolate syrup spilling over the bowl. They took a seat in the small parlor and enjoyed their sweets.

“A little much don’t you think?” Derek asked and gestured to the overflowing bowl of chocolate. Spencer laughed quietly.

“I’ve always had a thing for chocolate,” Spencer said and licked a small bit of syrup off his finger. Derek’s eyes widened and he covered his mouth slightly before leaning back and laughing quietly. “What?” Spencer questioned but Derek simply shook his head. He knew Spencer didn’t realize how odd that sounded. 

A little while later, the two had finished their ice cream and had waltzed back out onto the street. Spencer had the awful feeling that someone was watching him but he tried to push it away, hoping it was just his anxiety. Derek almost missed the way Spencer leaned into his side. Derek wrapped a protective arm around his waist as they walked to the car in a comfortable silence. Spencer spoke up after a while, “Boulder is nice, I really like the mountains.” He hummed softly as he stopped by the car.

“I like it, too. It’s a nice change from Quantico.” Derek replied with a smile before unlocking the car and allowing his arm to fall from around Spencer’s waist. The doctor nodded and slid into the passenger’s seat. Derek got in on the driver’s side and plugged the keys into the ignition. He started the car and turned up the radio slightly. He cast a short glance at Spencer, who was staring at the window, looking at the mountains. There was a soft pink blush gracing his cheeks and a small, content smile on his face. He looked happy. Derek directed his attention back on the road and parked in front of the hotel. Spencer visibly tensed and Derek rested a hand on his thigh, he flinched at the touch.

“Hey, it’s okay. Hotch got the rooms changed and I’ll be right there with you.” Derek said and Spencer nodded slowly. Derek got out of the car first and walked to Spencer’s side before opening the door. Spencer stepped out and closed the door behind him. Derek saw that his hands were shaking violently. Derek placed a hand on Spencer’s lower back and guided him into the hotel. They got into the elevator and their new rooms were much farther from their old ones. Derek was going to make sure Spencer was safe, no matter what it took. The two made their way to the new rooms, Derek opened the door and ushered the younger man in. Spencer saw his go-bag on the bed and he shoved it off before falling forwards against the mattress. Derek heard the boy groan, his voice muffled by the mattress and he chuckled. 

“Tired, pretty boy?” Derek asked and sat on the bed next to him. Spencer hummed a reply and turned his head to look at Derek. “How are you handling this?” Derek asked, his eyebrows furrowing in concern.

“I’m mentally and physically exhausted. These letters have been on my mind since the first one. I memorized them all. They’re all permanently stuck in my mind. I…” He paused, and sat up, taking Derek’s hands and staring at him intensely, “Promise me that we’ll catch him, Derek. I need to hear some kind of confirmation that I won’t need to worry about this in the future.” He said, his serious tone startling the older agent.

“I promise you, Doctor Spencer Reid, that we will catch this sick son of a bitch. You will no longer be plagued by his letters. We are going to put him away for good.” Derek said and he watched Spencer’s eyes become glassy as a single tear escaped his eye. Derek quickly wiped it away and Spencer leaned into his shoulder, wrapping his arms around his waist. Derek returned the hug.

“Thank you.” Spencer whispered as more silent tears fell and Derek let out a breath. This was his mission, to protect Spencer Reid.


	2. Cops and Robbers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is a lot of French in this chapter. However, I am not French so I apologize in advance if any of it is wrong or inaccurate, I took German in high school.
> 
> Also, I've started a theme with my chapter names. Each one is a song reference, chapter one kind of broke it because 'Thank You Happy Birthday' is a Cage the Elephant album, not a song. But the song for this chapter is Cops and Robbers by The Hoosiers.

Spencer woke up the next day with his arms wrapped tightly around Derek’s waist. He still wore the clothes from the day before, he must have fallen asleep when talking to Derek. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair as a yawn overcame his senses. Spencer got out of bed silently and grabbed clothes from his go-bag before walking into the bathroom. He closed the door before laying his clothes on the counter and peeling off his old clothes that smelled slightly like Derek’s cologne. Spencer brought the clothes up to his nose and inhaled briefly. They definitely smelled like Derek. He dropped them on the floor and turned on the shower. He stepped in and shivered as the water turned from cold, to warm, to hot in a matter of seconds. The young doctor let out a sigh of relief as the hot water ran down his back, untangling the knots under his skin and relieving most of the stress of the previous days. Spencer didn’t realize he had finished showering until he felt the last bit of shampoo leave his hair. He didn’t want to leave the warm, foggy cubicle of comfort and face the day but he knew he had to. He turned off the water he grabbed a towel and started drying himself off. He stopped when he heard soft music paired with Derek’s rough voice… _singing?_ Spencer grinned and pressed his ear against the door and listened. Derek didn’t sound bad, he sounded gruff and Spencer enjoyed listening. He realized he should be getting dressed and scoffed at himself before quickly pulling on his clothes. When he opened the bathroom door, Derek’s singing immediately stopped and he hushed to a quiet hum. Spencer kept a small smile on his face before he commented on it.

“You have a very nice voice.” He said softly and Derek quieted completely. Spencer looked up and saw the panic in Derek’s eyes before the man covered it up with a nervous chuckle.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Derek replied and rubbed the back of his neck self consciously. Spencer kept the small smile on his face as he heard a soft knock on their door. Derek frowned and put a hand up towards Spencer, a motion that said, “Don’t move.” Derek grabbed his gun and cocked it, keeping it up as he slowly opened the door and saw no one. He checked down the hallways and there was no one to be found. He looked down at a neat envelope in front of him with _Doctor Spencer Reid_ written in cursive on the front. The older agent picked up the letter with a sigh. He closed and locked the door and lowered his gun. He handed the note to Spencer and immediately saw the fear that glossed over his bright eyes.

“Another one?” Spencer whispered in disbelief as Derek nodded and sat down beside him. Spencer opened the letter carefully, it was much shorter than usual. He read it aloud, “Dearest Spencer, I hope you enjoyed my latest gifts. I worked very hard to get them for you. I’ll say it again, I want to see you. In your soul, there are infinitely precious things that can not be taken from you. I believe you are something that can’t be taken from me. You are mine, Spencer. I love you, please let me see you. With more love than you can imagine, J.B.” Spencer shuddered as he read, and Derek furrowed his eyebrows in irritation.

“Why does he think he can talk to you like that?” Derek growled, and Spencer raised his eyebrows at the man before laughing softly. Derek’s face softened, “What?”

“You’re too protective. That’s what he wants, he wants you to get angry and do something impulsive.” Spencer laughed again. “You need to calm down, we won’t get anywhere on this case while running on blind rage.” He continued and read over the letter a couple times before placing it back into the envelope. Spencer leaned down to pull on his shoes and then stood up. Derek stood at the door, waiting for Spencer. The two walked out of the room and were met with the rest of the team. They all looked exhausted, and Hotch looked down at his phone before running a hand over his face.

“We have another body,” Hotch said solemnly and the rest of the group sighed. “JJ and Reid, go talk to the families. Morgan and Rossi will go to the crime scene and Emily, you’ll come with me to the sheriff’s department.” Hotch said and the group nodded. They made their way to the lobby of the hotel before breaking off into separate cars. The drive was short, but once they got to the sheriff’s office, there was a blonde woman speaking frantically in a foreign language. She was yelling and crying, Officer Childs came over and sighed.

“Her name is Simone Leroy, she keeps going on about her son. We don’t know what she’s saying.” Officer Childs said and shook her head. JJ had already made her way to the families.

“I can speak French,” Spencer said and made his way over to the woman while ignoring Hotch’s protests. She turned to him and grabbed his shoulders.

“Où est mon fils? Où est-il? Il est là, n'est-ce pas? Il devrait être ici, pourquoi n'est-il pas ici? (Where is my son? Where is he? He's here, isn't he? He should be here, why isn't he here?)” She spoke so frantically Spencer had a hard time figuring out what she was trying to say.

“Je m'appelle Docteur Spencer Reid, qui est votre fils, madame? (My name is Doctor Spencer Reid, who is your son, ma’am?)” Spencer asked slowly and her eyes glimmered with tears and hope.

“Jack! Il a fait une très mauvaise chose. Oui, une très mauvaise chose en effet. (Jack! He did a very bad thing. Yes, a very bad thing indeed.)” Simone said, running her hands through her long blonde hair.

“Quelle mauvaise chose a fait Jack, Simone? (What bad thing did Jack do, Simone?)” Spencer asked and she looked around frantically. It was then that Spencer recognized what was happening, she was having a manic episode.

“Il se retira la tête. C'était vraiment dommage. Je suis sûr qu'il s'excuse si je pourrais le trouver. Monsieur, pouvez-vous trouver mon Jack pour moi? S'il vous plaît? (He took off their heads. It was a very bad thing, indeed. I'm sure he will apologize if I could find him. Sir, can you find my Jack for me? Please?)” She said and Spencer nodded slowly. She grinned and leaned up to peck his cheek. “Merci, docteur. Merci beaucoup. (Thank you, doctor. Thank you so much.)” She said with bright eyes and she turned to leave but he grabbed her arm and stopped her.

“Madame, pensez-vous si nous vous posons des questions sur votre fils? (Ma'am, do you mind if we ask you some questions about your son?)” Spencer asked and she nodded quickly.

“Si cela vous aidera à trouver mon fils, alors oui. (If it will help you find my son, then yes.)” She said and allowed Spencer to guide her to one of the interrogation rooms, where he directed the officers to give her plenty of water. Hotch came up to him and Spencer stared at her through the glass.

“That was reckless, Reid-” Spencer interrupted Hotch by immediately calling Penelope. Her voice cut through.

_“I am the key to all your information, what’s up?”_ She said and Spencer began spilling all the information.

“It’s the unsub’s mother, she’s at the station. She said, “He took off their heads.” Her son’s name is Jack. I can only assume that he’s bipolar because she was in the middle of a bipolar episode. They said her name is Simone Leroy, which means she either remarried or that’s her maiden name. I need everything on her.” Spencer said and the clicking of keys could be heard.

_“Simone Leroy, she’s originally from Orleans, France. She married a Hugo Moreau but divorced over twenty years ago. There is no record of any child they may have had. She never remarried but she is indeed clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder.”_ Penelope said and Spencer thanked her and hung up.

“I’m going to go talk to her,” Spencer said and Hotch allowed it. Before he entered the room, he examined her. She wasn’t shaking anymore, but he could see that she was gripping the cup of water tightly. She had deep bags under her eyes but she had a slim, birdlike face. She had bright green eyes and bleached blonde hair that had signs of originally being brown. He wondered if she would be able to get anything about her son. There was no record of him, so he must’ve been a home birth, and homeschooled. Spencer took a deep breath before opening the door and slipping inside the room to sit in front of her. “Bonjour, Simone. (Hello, Simone.)” Spencer greeted with a small smile. Her face lit up and she set her water down and tried to keep her hands still. Spencer could feel her leg bouncing from under the table. “Qu'avez-vous à dire à propos de votre fils? (What can you tell me about your son?)” Spencer asked and Simone’s eyes filled with concern and worry.

“Il s'appelle Jack, j'ai peur de ne pas pouvoir vous en dire beaucoup. Je ne l'ai pas vu depuis plus de vingt ans, il devait avoir quinze ans lorsqu'il est parti. (His name is Jack, I'm afraid I can't tell you much. I haven't seen him in over twenty years, he must have been fifteen when he left.)” Simone said and her hands moved to fidget with the ends of her hair.

Spencer nodded, “Ensuite, dites-moi ce que vous vous souvenez. Quelque chose d'étrange qu'il a fait en l'enfance ou quelque chose qui a pu avoir une incidence sur sa vie aujourd'hui. (Then, tell me what you remember. Anything strange that he did as a child or something that may have impacted his life today.)” Spencer inquired, hoping he could get something out of her.

Simone looked up and to the left, and Spencer immediately recognized it as a sign of remembering an internal memory. She was actually trying to help, she wasn’t just stalling for Jack. It eliminated any possible theory that she helped him. She perked up a little bit and then spoke finally after thinking for a couple minutes, “Il était un moment où il avait peut-être cinq ans. Certains des chats et des chiens voisins avaient disparu. Nous les avons trouvés tous dans plusieurs sacs à ordures derrière notre hangar. Ils ont été décapités… (There was a time when he was possibly five years old. Some of the neighbors cats and dogs had gone missing. We found them all in several trash bags behind our shed. They were decapitated…)” She explained with a shudder. Spencer’s eyes widened and he nodded. Classic budding psychopath behavior.

“Y a-t-il autre chose que vous pouvez me parler de votre fils? (Is there anything else you can tell me about your son?)” Spencer asked, hoping he could get the last name, an address, anything.

Simone shook her head and smiled sadly, “Non désolé. (No, sorry.)” Spencer thanked her and nodded, telling her that he would contact her if need be and she nodded and made her way out of the sheriff’s office.

Spencer rubbed his face in exasperation and walked over to Hotch and Emily, who looked impressed as they continued setting up the case files. He cast a glance at the woman who looked much better as she left than when she came in. Hotch laid a hand on his shoulder and Spencer jumped. Emily chuckled quietly and handed him a cup of coffee, which he took and drank gratefully. Spencer had already checked if JJ wanted help with the families but she declined and told him to sit down for a while. He skimmed over the case file multiple times, seeing if he had missed anything. Currently, they had a divorced, bipolar mother who didn’t speak even the smallest bit of English. Spencer scoffed at himself before dialing up Penelope again.

_“Miss me, baby?”_ Garcia’s voice rung through the phone and Spencer could hear the grin in her voice.

“I need everything you have on Hugo Moreau, Simone’s divorced husband,” Spencer said and heard Penelope humming an unfamiliar tune as she gathered information.

_“Hugo Moreau, he’s… six feet under. Died fifteen years ago in a home invasion. His then-girlfriend Jordan Zott was killed in that invasion as well.”_ Penelope said and Spencer sighed, _“He was a writer for a small town newspaper in Maine.”_ She continued and Spencer thanked her and hung up, immediately started writing down everything she told him. Hotch stood beside him and crossed his arms. To Spencer, he looked like a concerned father.

“Reid, are you doing okay? I know this case has been difficult, but-” Spencer interrupted him before he could finish. He didn’t need to hear the pity talk from his boss, he could handle it.

“I’m fine, Hotch. Don’t worry about me, we need to focus on the case.” Spencer insisted and Hotch didn’t look convinced but he nodded anyway. Spencer put together everything they knew. “Hotch, I think it’s time to give the profile.” He said and Hotch nodded again and moved to gather everyone. After the officers had gathered in the room, the team stood around. Hotch was the first to speak.

“We believe we’re looking for a white male in his late twenties to mid-thirties. His initials are J.B. He is very well built and often stalks gay bars for his next victim.” When he stopped, JJ stepped forward.

“He also has bipolar disorder, meaning he could appear very happy and positive before it drops and he’s angry and dangerous. His mood impacts how strong he is, during a bipolar episode, his anger will fuel the way his body works and he will act based on his adrenaline levels.” She said and nodded. Spencer swallowed and agreed.

“We’re also not aware if he will strike again at random, or if he already has his prolonged target. This unsub suffers from Erotomania, which means they believe that another person is secretly in love with them. They will go to extreme lengths to make sure this person knows and if they deny it then the unsub thinks it’s part of some elaborate scheme to hide their love from the world.” Spencer added and he watched the officers jot down his words.

“Watch out for complaints at gay bars, take them very seriously. That’s all, if you have any questions please don’t hesitate to find one of our agents.” Rossi finished and the group of officers disbanded. The group sat together and discussed their findings and how the families were doing over coffee. It had gotten late in the evening, everyone was tired. The group was about to head back to their hotel when an officer came barging into the room.

“There’s been a shooting at a nearby gay bar.” He said breathlessly, and the group quickly got up and was on their way to the bar as soon as possible. No one had survived the shooting. Bodies were piled up in the dimly lit bar. The music still played loudly. Hotch ordered them to turn off the music and turn the lights on. After a moment, the bright fluorescent lights came on and the group was dumped in an eerie silence. Spencer felt a shudder ripple down his spine and he walked up to the manager of the club. He felt Derek’s eyes on him.

“Can I see the security tapes?” Spencer asked and the man nodded and dragged him to the security room. Derek followed. They watched the security tapes of the night, everything looked very normal until a man in a plain black shirt walked in. Spencer walked him as he pulled two handguns from his pants and began shooting. There was no volume on the videos but he knew the man was laughing. After he emptied the guns, there was one girl who was struggling to get away. He pulled her into the direct view of the camera and brought out a knife. She held onto the arm that held her and slit her throat while looking directly into the camera. Blood drenched his hand and the poor girl fell forward onto the floor. They could already see the pile of blood forming around her head in a gruesome halo. He then started looking around. They saw him grab a pen and paper and start writing. He held it up to the camera.

_“I did this for you, Doctor Reid.”_ The sign read. Spencer felt nausea clawing at his stomach. He felt like he was going to throw up. He flinched at Derek’s hand on his back. He stayed quiet as Derek thanked the man and lead Spencer out of the room and into the parking lot. Spencer didn’t speak. This was his fault, he was the reason this man was killing. He was the reason these people died was because of him. Derek interrupted his thoughts.

“I know that look. You’re blaming yourself again.” Derek said and Spencer shook his head. “Yes, Spencer. You think this is your fault. Let me tell you something right now, this isn’t your fault. It never was and never will be. This man is mentally ill, his actions are not your fault, you didn’t contribute to his insanity.” Derek said and placed his hands on Spencer’s shoulders. His hand moved to the back of Spencer’s neck, he barely noticed Spencer leaning into his touch ever so slightly. “This is not your fault, you need to know that. You need to know that-” Derek was interrupted by Hotch walked out and yelling something about Penelope and the facial recognition system. Derek sighed and let his hand fall. Spencer nodded and before they went inside, Spencer grabbed Derek’s arm. Derek turned around. Spencer was looking at the ground.

“Thank you.” He said softly and Derek smiled and leaned forward to press a kiss to the younger man’s forehead. Spencer kept the small smile on his face as the two walked into the bar. Forensics was already cleaning up the bodies and taking them to the morgue. Hotch informed them that Penelope had gotten a hit on the facial recognition system. Their unsub’s name was Jack Breckenridge. That name left a sour taste in Spencer’s mouth, he was terrified. Hotch told the two to go back to the office and call Garcia. They nodded and spent a drive back to the station. It was quiet, but there was no tension between the two. Spencer liked it that way. The two rushed inside and Spencer dialed Penelope.

_“You two owe me an apology, I was just about to go home. I got a hit in the foster care system for Jack Breckenridge. He’s thirty-six, his parents aren’t listed but he did bounce around twelve different foster homes through middle and high school. And, no he doesn’t have an address.”_ She said and Spencer groaned softly.

“Check for any spouses, he may be married but the man would be dead. He more than likely lives in the house.” Spencer continued, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

_“Right you are, kid genius. Roman Jacobson died a year ago from… oh no. An accident at his construction job that left him decapitated.”_ Garcia said and they could hear the pity in her voice.

“Roman’s death is the trigger, and that’s why he takes the heads,” Derek interjected and hung up as she told the two she would send his address. “Alright pretty boy, let’s get going,” Derek said and started walking out of the sheriff’s office but stopped when he realized Spencer wasn’t following. “Reid? Are you okay?” He asked and Spencer looked at him with a furrowed brow.

“I’m about to meet the man who has been sending me anonymous letters for the past six months. These letters have been the only thing on my mind since I got the first one. This is just a lot.” Spencer explained and Derek’s expression softened.

“I know, but we have to leave now if we’re gonna catch this guy,” Derek said and walked over to place his hand on the back of Spencer’s neck. Once again, Spencer leaned into his touch. 

“I know, but it’s just… a lot.” He said and Derek pulled the younger man into a hug. They said nothing for a while, but Spencer eventually nodded and the two walked out of the sheriff’s office and got into the car for a very quick drive to Jack’s townhouse. They immediately called for backup. After about ten minutes, ten squad cars sat in front of the small house. Spencer stared at the house and saw movement. Jack was walking around in the house, seemingly talking to someone. Spencer jumped when he felt Derek’s hand on his back. He sighed and turned to Derek.

“I need to go in.” He said and Derek started shaking his head furiously. “Why not? I’m the one he wants, Derek.” Spencer said.

“No, you’re not,” Derek argued and Spencer glared at him. It was the first time Derek had seen the young doctor angry. Nonetheless, Derek grabbed his arm to prevent him from leaving. 

“I am,” Spencer said bluntly and ripped his arm from his grasp and pushed past everyone to walk up to the house despite the angry calls of his coworkers behind him. He walked up to the door and knocked sharply. He heard crashing and maniacal laughter from inside. He heard Morgan’s calls behind him as the door opened.

“Doctor Spencer Reid, my love. It’s so good to finally see you after all these years.” The tall, dark haired man said with a manic grin, the humor in his voice made Spencer shudder. Jack moved out of the way and allowed Spencer into his house. He shut the door behind him and sat down at the small dining room table that sat in front of a window. Spencer stayed standing. Jack took out his gun and held it tightly in his hand.

“Jack Breckenridge. Your knowledge of Oscar Wilde and his writing is extraordinary.” Spencer said, shoving his hands in his pockets. A stroke to his ego, let’s get him prideful.

“Hearing my name roll off your tongue is a pleasure cruise, Doctor. But let’s skip to it, hm? I do not appreciate your new forthcomings with a certain Derek Morgan. Your first date at Trofi’s? I was there. Your player of a date saw me, too. He pretended he didn’t though, am I right?” Jack said and hummed happily, “He doesn’t care about you like I do, Doctor. He wouldn’t treat you right. I would give you all the love in my heart!” He yelled his last statement, anger burning in his green eyes as he waved the gun in Spencer’s direction. 

“Your letters made him mad. He hated reading them, he hated that I read them.” Spencer said, surprised at how well he was holding his voice.

Jack’s eyes widened and a manic grin spread along his lips, “You… actually read my letters? I would have assumed you tossed them away.” Jack giggled quietly.

“Of course I read them, they were what captured my attention since I received the first one. They were carefully worded, those quotes were placed very carefully.” Spencer said and shifted his weight and Jack made a motion with the gun for him to sit down. Spencer pulled out the chair and Jack smiled.

“Y’know, this gun isn’t loaded, there aren't even any blanks,” Jack said, and Spencer tried to keep his face neutral. Jack put the gun against his own chin and pulled the trigger, making a fake gun sound. Even the faint click made Spencer flinch. It didn’t make sense, though. Why would he have an unloaded gun? They could come in now if they wanted to. They could arrest him, but no one else knew that. It was a scare tactic.

“What do you want, Jack?” Spencer asked and Jack threw his head back and laughed.

“Isn’t it obvious? I want _you_ , and you alone.” Jack said the same manic grin on his face as he spoke. Spencer hated the almost depraved tone of his voice.

Spencer swallowed the lump in his throat and attempted to make his voice clear, “How do you want to do that?” Spencer said and Jack rolled his eyes, somehow maintaining a smile on his face.

“Oh, come on, Doctor. We both know you’re just stalling so your little boy toy can disarm my bomb.” He sat up and leaned forward, taking a hold of Spencer’s tie, and pulling him forward slightly. “Let’s go, we can get away and go somewhere where they will never find us,” Jack whispered in Spencer’s ear. His hot breath sent an involuntary shudder down his spine and Jack laughed and let go of him and leaned back in his chair again. “What do you say, Doc?”

They sat staring at each other, and Spencer spoke finally, “Let’s go.” His phone started ringing and he looked to Jack and the freckled man nodded. “Hello,” Spencer said, disguising his voice.

_“Reid, what the hell are you doing?”_ Hotch’s voice sounded over the phone. Spencer had temporarily forgotten about the wire hidden in his tie. They heard everything, but he hadn’t grabbed an earpiece before he left so he couldn’t hear the team’s conversation. Jack grabbed a pen and paper and wrote down what he wanted Spencer to say.

“We’re leaving. Jack says he’s going arm the bomb if anyone follows us.” Spencer said and Jack laughed quietly, nodding his head.

_“Spencer, we know that’s not what he said. You’re wired, we can hear everything. Is that what he’s telling you?”_ Hotch asked and Spencer hummed.

“I can confirm that.” He said and then heard Hotch curse, “Tell Morgan those big guns of his are fake.” Spencer replied and Jack watched Spencer’s face eagerly while giggling helplessly.

_“Morgan…? Was his gun fake? Alright, I hate to do this, but go with him. Bomb squad just got here. They don’t think the bomb is even real. We’ll come and get you as soon as we can. Hang in there, Reid.”_ Hotch assured.

“Bye, Hotch,” Spencer said and ended the call. Jack extended his hand for the cell phone and Spencer gave it to him. Jack left it on the table but brought a pocket knife out from his pocket and slammed it into the middle of the electronic, disabling its usage. Spencer flinched as the blade came down through the phone and into the table.

“Now that that’s out of the way. Your chariot awaits, my love.” Jack said and offered his hand to Spencer, who hesitantly took it and allowed the man to lead him to a back door where a black Jeep sat waiting. Jack retrieved the keys from his pocket and got into the driver’s side. Spencer got in beside him and leaned against the car door, the farthest he could be away from Jack. Jack started the car and drove away from the house. It was about twenty minutes before Jack brought out a phone and pressed a button before shoving it back into his pocket.

“Did you just…?” Spencer asked and Jack grinned, keeping his eyes on the road. Spencer felt every bone in his body freeze. His muscles tensed up and his eyes widened in horror as he realized what Jack had done.

“None of them truly cared for you, Spencer. I’m the only one who loves you.” Jack said with a shrug. “Don’t worry about it, they wouldn’t have missed you anyway. You were just some pawn to them.” He said and Spencer realized that there was an APB out for Jack and his car. The entire country was out looking for the killer beside him. A long silence filled the car as they drove. Spencer covered his mouth as silent tears streaked down his face. They could all be dead. All of his friends, his team, they were the closest thing he had to family. All of them, gone, dead. If not dead then severely injured and would most likely die in the hospital. Only a miracle could save anyone in the vicinity of that bomb. “Awe, baby don’t cry. They were all going to die anyway.” Jack said and Spencer remembered what Hotch said to him. The bomb might’ve been fake, they could all be okay. Spencer held onto this hope as they drove. Spencer wasn’t sure where Jack was taking him, but wherever it was, it couldn’t be good. After what seemed like hours driving past the same things over and over, Spencer saw bright lights in the side mirror. He located three squad cars driving towards them at full speed. Jack seemed to notice this too because he sped up significantly. Spencer took a deep breath as he spotted the familiar black cars driving towards them. Spencer cast a short glance at Jack and caught the sly grin that was growing on his face. Spencer felt the car accelerating at an alarming rate towards the car in the middle of the three, and almost immediately after impact, Spencer lost consciousness.

 

Derek saw Jack’s Jeep speeding towards the car that Hotch and JJ were in and felt panic rise in his throat. He watched Jack’s car drive directly into Hotch’s. It seemed like time had stopped. There was yelling, screams of pain and panic and fear. Derek felt something like a strangled cry exit his throat as he stumbled out of his car and ran to Jack’s Jeep. He saw Spencer leaned over the dashboard, there was blood, lots of it. Derek threw open the door and pulled Spencer out of the car. He didn’t take any time to assess the injuries but instead called for help.

“I need a medic!” He yelled, his voice was strained and it hurt to speak through the lump in his throat. He barely heard Hotch call something similar regarding JJ. He barely felt them take Spencer from his arms but he caught what the medic said to him. She was asking if he wanted to ride with him. He nodded slowly and climbed into the back, staring at his unconscious Spencer. He was silent on the ride to the hospital, only squeezing Spencer’s hand. He prayed the boy could feel it. It was chaos, they had to get Spencer and JJ into surgery immediately while Jack and Hotch had minor injuries they tended to. Derek tried to push past them to get to Spencer but the nurses and doctors were firm that he had to stay in the waiting room. Derek was pacing anxiously. Emily sat with her head in her hands. Rossi was watching over Jack in an examination room. The two who waited in the lobby barely noticed when Penelope came running in, her heels clicking against the floor tile. She had tears streaking down her face, smearing her makeup down her cheeks. She said nothing and walked up to Derek, who flinched as she laid a gentle hand on his back. After realizing who it was, he felt a sob escape him. Penelope dragged him into a hug and he sobbed into her pink sweater. He didn’t know what to do, they only thing he could think was that his baby boy was dead. When he closed his eyes, all he saw was blood. Spencer’s blood, covering the interior of the car. Penelope had shown him to one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs and sat them both down. Derek eventually fell asleep, his head on Penelope’s shoulder. 

 

Derek woke up much later. Penelope had taken off her heels and was sipping delicately on a coffee while staring at the doors. She looked over at him and offered a weak smile and handed him a coffee. He nodded and took a drink, he wondered what time it was. Emily was sleeping on the floor, using her jacket as a pillow. He shook his head and took another long drink of his coffee. After about ten minutes of silence, Penelope broke the silence.

“JJ got out of surgery about an hour ago. I don’t have the heart to wake Emily up.” She said and pulled her legs against her body. Derek nodded and stood up, his legs felt like jelly. He knelt down beside Emily and shook her softly. Her eyes fluttered open and the look of peace was immediately disrupted.

“Is JJ alright?” She asked, her voice still thick with sleep. Derek nodded and helped her up.

“She got out not long ago, you can go see her. I’m going to wait here for Reid.” Derek said and Emily nodded. Garcia stood up and grabbed her heels by the straps before walking with Emily towards JJ’s room. Derek took the lid off of his coffee and chugged it. He threw the cup away and started pacing again. He needed to get the blood flowing to his legs again. It was maybe another hour later before a short man came through the doors.

“Agent? Mr. Reid is out of surgery, he’s still under and he might be for a day or two but you can still come see him.” The man said and Derek frowned.

“It’s ‘Doctor’.” He corrected and the man looked confused. The nurse laughed nervously.

“Pardon?” He asked and Derek sighed.

“It’s ‘Doctor Reid’.” He said again and the nurse nodded and apologized before leading him to the room that held his boy.

 

Spencer woke up with a slight headache. It was too bright and smelled like bleach and chemicals. His eyes fluttered open and he moved his arm to shield his eyes from the light and felt a tug. An IV, so he was in a hospital. Images of the crash flickered through his mind, screams of pain made his head pound more. Spencer let out an involuntary groan and tried to let his eyes adjust to the room around him. A figure sat in the chair beside him and after a moment he realized it was Derek. A smile played across his lips, he had stayed here. He watched Derek stir in the obviously uncomfortable chair and the man glanced at Spencer. Derek’s eyes widened and Spencer laughed but it was cut short by a sharp pain in his side. 

“Is there any Jello?” Spencer asked then followed up with, “How long was I out? What exactly happened? I mean, I know I was in a crash but-” Derek interrupted him with a laughed and the man stood up and leaned down to hug the smaller boy.

“You scared the _shit_ out of me,” Derek said and Spencer made a small, pained sound and Derek instantly started apologizing. “The doctor said you bruised some ribs and a piece of metal dug into your side, but it didn’t cause any internal damage. They said it missed all your major organs and that it’s a miracle that you’re even alive.” Spencer sighed.

“Thank God for miracles, then. Jello?” Spencer asked again and Derek nodded and passed him a small cup of cherry red Jello. Spencer ate it quietly and didn’t notice Derek staring at him. “What?” He questioned and Derek shook his head.

“I’m just so glad you’re okay.” The darker man said with a loving smile on his face. Spencer laughed quietly, hoping the pain in his side wouldn’t stay long. “Reid, I wanted to-” Derek was interrupted by a knock on the door and Derek went to open it. Hotch, Rossi, and Penelope pushed past him and crowded around Spencer’s bed. Penelope started going on about how worried she was when no one called her. Rossi was spouting something in Italian, he sounded concerned. Hotch just gave him a look. One of the ‘looks’ that said more words than Hotch did. This particular look held relief and love. Spencer smiled and nodded at him. They all stopped and Penelope wiped away her tears. Rossi chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest.

“I had a nice long talk with Mr. Jack, let’s just say he left with a couple more bruises than he came in with,” Rossi said with a shrug and Hotch glared at him. Spencer laughed softly and Penelope joined in. 

“He is never getting out of prison, we’ve made sure of it.” She said with a curt nod. Spencer smiled.

“Thank you, guys.” He said finally, and for once, surrounded by his closest friends, he felt at peace.

 

Spencer was discharged from the hospital the next day. Derek stayed with him until he was fully healed because he knew Spencer would forget the change his bandages and take his prescriptions. Just as Derek suspected, he was right. Derek was constantly reminding him about it. The two continued to work cases with the group. JJ had healed completely and the two boys had begun to notice the way Emily looked at JJ at certain times. Whenever one of them would ask about it, she would dismiss it and change the subject. They stopped bringing it up after a while. When everything had seemed normal at the office, one phone call changed everything.

Spencer was standing at the coffee machine when he got a phone call from his personal cell phone. He didn’t recognize the number, but he answered anyway, “This is Doctor Spencer Reid, how can I help you?” He said and glanced at the machine to check when his drink would be ready.

_“Ah, Dr. Reid! I was told to call you if anything happened involving Jack Breckenridge’s case.”_ A woman’s voice said. Spencer hadn’t heard that name in a while.

“Yes, is there an issue?” Spencer asked. He assumed it was just a fault in the paperwork, he grabbed his mug from the machine and took a drink.

_“Oh uh… “_ She laughed nervously, _“Yes, a big one. You see, Doctor, Jack has broken out of prison. We’re not quite sure where he is.”_ She said and Spencer felt his whole world crumble around him. Spencer felt his hands go numb as he let go of both the phone and the mug, causing them both to shatter against the ground. He felt the coffee spill spread across the floor and he felt it on his shoes. He stared at the door as Derek came in, looking very concerned. He eyed the shattered glass on the floor and took Spencer by the arm.

“Reid, what happened?” Derek asked and Spencer swallowed and shook his head.

_“He’s out.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! The comments on the last chapter really helped me push through on this chapter, and I have plenty more in store. This was kind of painful to write if I'm being honest. Jack is actually one of my favorite characters that I've ever made and I changed him up a lot for this so he could be a good Crazy Unsub. Please let me know what you thought!!
> 
> Until Next Time,  
> Adrian


	3. Home of the Strange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that this chapter is inspired by is _Home of the Strange_ by Young the Giant.

“Who’s out, Spencer?” Derek asked gently, guiding him away from the glass and spilled coffee that grew cold on the floor. The others had heard the commotion and had gathered at the doors into the kitchen.

“Jack. He’s out of prison, he broke out. I don’t understand how…” Spencer trailed off into a whisper and felt himself get a little light headed. He leaned on Derek for support. “We need to get him, he’s coming for me, I know he is.” Spencer rambled, holding his head like it would fall off his shoulders and go rolling on the floor.

“No, he’s not because I’m going to stay with you. He’s not getting to you with me around, I promise.” Derek said and Spencer nodded numbly as if he barely heard what Derek said. JJ insisted they go back to Spencer’s apartment and stay there until Jack was caught but Hotch interrupted. He explained that Jack probably knew where Spencer’s apartment was and would try there first. Hotch said for them to go to Derek’s apartment and stay there until further notice. Derek lead Spencer out of the office and into his car. Spencer pleaded with Derek to let him stop by his place first and soon enough, Derek accepted.

As they entered Spencer’s apartment, Derek took in everything he could. The mountains of books everywhere, the whole place smelled like cinnamon, vanilla and old paper. It was so unbearably _Spencer_ that it made Derek chuckle a little. He heard rustling in the room and not five minutes later, Spencer came out holding two bags. He was obviously weighed down by one and Derek took it from his hands. It was heavier than it looked. Derek furrowed his eyebrows and glanced down at the bag. Spencer smiled meekly, “Books.” He said simply and Derek scoffed and the two walked carefully out of the apartment. Derek was more than cautious but the longer it took for them to get out of there, the more anxious he became. He heard his heart drumming loudly in his ears and his breathing had quickened. Derek didn’t notice.

Once they got back to the car, they sped out of the parking lot and away from the apartment. Spencer was silent. His breathing was back to normal and he felt better. Derek was rambling about his home, filling the empty air with meaningless words. Spencer wasn’t listening. He was busy thinking of ways everything could go wrong and how he could avoid certain situations. As he spaced out, he didn’t notice Derek park in front of a large apartment complex. Spencer jumped when Derek tapped him on the shoulder and told him they had arrived. Spencer nodded silently and took his bags from the car and followed behind Derek. Twenty stories, six apartments on each floor, one hundred and twenty apartments total. Spencer hummed as the two agents walked past the main desk and into the elevator. A brief sense of familiarity washed over Spencer. The time they got stuck in an elevator together, just the thought made Spencer smile. The doors opened. Derek carried the heavier bag and lead Spencer to the very end of the hall. The rustic golden number read 13D. Derek ushered Spencer into the room before he closed and locked the door behind him. Derek took his other bag and brought them into what looked to be the only bedroom in the apartment. Spencer felt his face heat up slightly, he almost hoped they would be staying in the same bed. Spencer took a moment to look around. The smooth red paint coated the walls and empty shelves sat scattered. The place looked vacant, it didn’t look lived in. It unnerved Spencer. He felt out of place in the lavish but clean beyond comfort apartment. Derek came back in wearing a warm smile on his face.

“You can stay in the bedroom, I’ll sleep on the couch,” Derek said and Spencer felt foolishness settle in the bottom of his stomach. Spencer nodded and tried to mask the emotions on his face. “Spencer, I gotta tell you something,” Derek said and Spencer’s curiosity was peaked. The doctor nodded as a signal to go on and Derek sighed. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it as his phone began to ring. Derek sighed and pulled his phone out of his pocket and excused himself to answer it. Spencer only heard Derek’s side of the conversation, “Hey. Yeah, he’s here. This’ll all blow over soon, I promise. I know, alright. I’ll keep you updated.” Spencer couldn’t make out Derek’s final words to the unknown caller. His words only added to Spencer’s growing confusion and curiosity. Yet, he didn’t dare ask who was on the phone. He assumed it was Hotch. When Derek came back in the room, the previous topic was immediately dropped. He gave Spencer a weak smile. Spencer averted his eyes and scooted into the bedroom and grabbed the book he had started before they left the office and sat on the bed.

What seemed like hours had passed and Spencer was growing tired. He closed his third book and set it on the table beside him on top of the two other books. He heard Derek talking to someone in the other room and Spencer shrugged off his jeans and sweater and changed into a plain shirt and soft pajama bottoms. He climbed under the blankets and his head sunk into the soft pillow but his eyes wouldn’t close completely. He turned over and tried to sleep but nothing was working. He got out of bed and noticed how oddly warm the apartment was. Spencer walked into the main room to see Derek asleep on the couch with his phone on his chest. Spencer smiled and went into the kitchen to search for something to drink, whiskey, wine, anything. He opened up the cabinets and they were all mostly empty, save for a couple plates and bowls. He sighed and opened the fridge to find a jug of milk and a couple apples. He sighed and rubbed his face. His noises must’ve woken Derek up because the man sat up on the couch and looked over to Spencer.

“Can’t sleep?” He asked and Spencer nodded. Derek smiled and got up. He put a hand on the small of Spencer’s back and guided him back into the bedroom. “I’ll stay with you tonight, if you’d like?” Derek suggested and Spencer slowly nodded again. He was speechless, his mind couldn’t process words correctly. Spencer felt his body move him back under the covers and he heard Derek slide into bed beside him. Spencer said nothing as Derek surprisingly, yet comfortingly, wrapped his arms around the smaller agent’s waist. Spencer was able to mumble a thanks and Derek hummed in reply, his vocal chords vibrating softly against the pillows. Spencer closed his eyes and with the warmth beside him, he slowly drifted off to sleep.

Spencer’s eyes flickered open. The room was dark, so he blinked multiple times to adjust his tired eyes to the darkness. He no longer felt Derek’s muscled arms around him, but he heard the man’s labored breathing beside him. _“So he did stay.”_ Spencer thought and sat up in the bed. He yawned and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before shuffling out of bed. His throat felt dry, so he meandered into the almost menacing unlit kitchen. In his groggy state, his body worked faster than his mind processed it. Spencer felt the glass in his hand but he didn’t quite remember grabbing it from the cabinet. He felt the cool water slide down his throat but he hadn’t realized he had filled it up. An almost inaudible creak of the floorboards was heard and he turned slowly, mechanically, towards the sound to find nothing. He shrugged and placed the glass in the sink before turning around to stare into wild green eyes. Spencer’s breath got caught in his throat as he stared at the man in front of him. His eyes widened and he was able to mumble one word, “Jack.”

“You thought you could see the last of me? You can’t get rid of me that easily, baby boy.” Jack whispered with a half-hearted chuckle. “Now, let’s get you home,” Jack said and Spencer shook his head, trying to take deep breaths as he backed up into the counter. Jack raised a gloved hand and pressed the cold leather against Spencer’s face. A menacing smile stood on his lips and Spencer felt tears prick his eyes. He cleared his throat and felt something akin to confidence as he pushed past Jack. Jack caught his arm.

Spencer turned and looked into Jack’s crazed green eyes and screamed, “Derek!” Jack’s face immediately fell from mischievous to angry. Spencer didn’t see the syringe in his hand, and it moved too fast for him to notice the needle plunging into his neck. His vision blurred and he felt his breathing become shallow as he collapsed onto the floor.

Derek heard Spencer’s cry and jolted out of bed. He grabbed the loaded gun from the side drawer. He ran into the living room and saw Jack putting something in his pocket. Derek raised his gun and Jack smiled. “How’s it going, muscle man?” Jack asked and cast a glance to Spencer, unconscious on the floor. “He looks so peaceful when he’s asleep, don’t you think?” Jack said with a dark laugh.

Derek narrowed his eyes at Jack and shook his head, “The police are already on their way, Jack you better stand down.” Jack raised his eyebrows and barked a laugh.

“Come on, agent. We both know that’s not true.” Jack said and Derek aimed at Jack's leg and pulled the trigger. Jack grabbed his leg, “Oh no, I’ve been shot.” He deadpanned and stood up straight before rolling his eyes and digging into his pocket. He pulled out a handful of bullets and let them drop onto the floor. They scattered. “Dumb boy. I’m pretty thorough.” Jack snarled and Derek furrowed his eyebrows in frustration. Jack took two hefty steps towards Derek and grabbed his face. “There is nothing you can do to save him this time. You’ll be able to tell your whole team that it was your fault that Spence got taken by the bad man.” Jack hummed and Derek grabbed his hand and pulled it behind the man’s back. Jack laughed, “I like it rough.” He said and pulled his knee up and slammed his heel into Derek’s groin. Derek let out a strangled gasp and fell to his knees. Jack laughed again and turned around to smash Derek’s skull against his knee repeatedly before watching the man fall to the ground. Blood pooled from out of his nose and onto the floor. Jack laughed, “Hell of an agent.” The demented man picked up Spencer bridal style and carried him out of the apartment. 

~

Derek felt the warm rays of sunlight streaming in through the windows and he felt the dried blood on his face. He sat up and looked around, a dull thudding in his head. He touched his nose and winced, it was definitely broken. He sighed and the realization of what happened the night before flooded back to him. He cursed and slammed his fist against the floor. He spent five minutes screaming obscenities and apologies to Spencer before he got himself together and located his phone. He noticed the multiple missed calls from Hotch and other members of the team. He called Hotch back.

 _“Derek, why the hell didn’t you answer your phone-”_ Derek interrupted Hotch’s concerned voice with a broken, pained phrase.

“He’s gone, Hotch.” Derek said and Hotch asked him to repeat himself, “He’s gone. Jack was here, he took Spencer and broke my nose while he was at it.” Derek said, his voice calm but Hotch could hear the anger. “I’m gonna kill him, I swear to _God, I will kill him._ ”

 _“Calm down, Morgan. Get yourself to a hospital and I’ll have Emily meet you over there now. We’re going to find him, Derek. We are.”_ Hotch assured him and Derek sighed and nodded. He was already halfway out the door, keys in hand when he hung up. The trip to the hospital was short, but he sat in the waiting room for what felt like hours. It wasn’t very busy, he had only been sitting there for about an hour when a distressed Emily walked through the doors. She spotted him and gave him a weak, tired smile.

“Everyone was freaking out, still are, in fact,” Emily mumbled as she sat down next to Derek. “And I swear to God I will break your nose again if you try to blame this on yourself.” She warned, and Derek tried to find the humor in it but heard none- she was serious. Derek nodded and looked up as a nurse called his name and Derek stood up, walking up to the nurse. She pulled on a latex glove and pressed gingerly against the bridge of his nose. Derek winced and sighed as she nodded and pulled away, confirming that it was indeed broken. She brought him to the back where she applied a small splint and bandages. As Emily handled the stuff at the front, Derek couldn’t get the panicked cries of Spencer out of his head. Emily and he split up in their separate cars to get to the office. As they arrived and parked out front, the two rushed in to find the whole group conferencing about what their plan was.

~

Jack was already on his way to his specific destination. The drive was long, it was up in Maine, but it didn’t hinder him from going there. He had started the drive when he picked up Spencer. The drugs Jack gave him were strong, and he still hadn’t woken up. They’d been driving for almost thirteen hours, it wasn’t much farther until they reached Maine. Jack glanced at his gas tank to see it was nearing on empty. He frowned. Hopefully, Spencer would stay asleep. Jack pulled off the highway and spotted a gas station. He parked and hoped no one would spot his license plate. He was using the same car, mainly because they just left it in a car lot with the keys in it when he was incarcerated. It was a risk but he couldn’t steal a car, that would be worse. It didn’t matter, he was in Maine. There was no APB for him in any states other than Virginia. He killed the engine and got out of the car. The killer peeked at Spencer who lay unconscious in the backseat. He smiled at the peaceful expression on his face. Jack loaded up the car with gas and when it was full, he grabbed the cash from his wallet and went into the store to pay for it.

Spencer woke up in the back of someone’s car. His mind felt blurry and fuzzy and in all honesty, he wanted to go back to sleep. His mind was blank as he sat up, and looked out of the windows. He didn’t recognize his surroundings but everything seemed much more green. He definitely wasn’t in Virginia anymore, but he couldn’t figure out where else he might be. He looked down and noticed he was still in his pajamas, he also wasn’t wearing shoes, which for him, was odd. Spencer leaned forward to look at the dashboard and maybe get a hint, there was nothing special. He put his hand on the passenger’s seat, it was cool to the touch. So it was just him and the driver, maybe it was just him and Derek. Spencer climbed into the passenger’s seat and smiled, closing his eyes. A nice, calm road trip with Derek. He was delighted at how pleasant that sounded. His mind wandered to thoughts of Derek, his toned body, his smooth voice with the warmth of a crackling fire. His thoughts were interrupted by the open and close of the driver’s side door. The agent opened his eyes and looked over, expecting to see Derek’s handsome face, but what he got was freckled Jack and his manic grin. “Oh my god,” Spencer whispered as the events of the night prior came flooding back to him in a terrifying flashback.

“Glad you’re awake, baby. I got you some water because I thought you might be thirsty.” Jack said with a soft hum and Spencer covered his mouth to cover up the sob that exited his throat. Jack shook the water bottle beside Spencer’s face, then shrugged and placed it in the cupholder.

Spencer attempted to swallow the lump in his throat, “Where are we?” He whispered, and he continued to direct his attention out the window to possibly figure out where Jack was taking him. Jack laughed softly.

“I drove us to Maine, isn’t it beautiful? This is where I grew up. I love it here, it’s so lush and green. I’m taking you to a place where I made so many memories, good and bad. It was the peak of my life, although it’s closed down now. It’s not in operation anymore due to bad management, that’s alright, though.” Jack rambled on and Spencer was only half-listening, trying to decipher where the hell Jack intended on taking him. Jack made several odd turns into an old neighborhood that appeared as if no one lived there anymore. After about ten minutes Jack pulled into the parking lot of an old high school. “We’re here, I already have it all set up. I’ve had it all set up for the longest time, I hope no one’s messed with it.” Jack said, more to himself. The man got out of the car and walked around to Spencer’s side and opened his door. Jack offered his hand to the agent and Spencer shook his head and got out by himself, instinctively wrapping his arms around his small body. Jack roughly grabbed him by the arm and dragged him up the steps and into the creaky building. Warm sunlight shined through broken and cracked windows as vines and plants grew through the linoleum tiles and covered the brick walls. Jack slowed himself down as they reached what looked to be the gymnasium. Jack opened the door and dragged Spencer through the door and into the large room that reeked of old age and decomposition. Jack turned around and grinned at Spencer. “Do you like it? I’ve been wanting to show you this since we first met.” Jack said as Spencer looked around at the questionable decor. Strings of bones that could’ve been animal or human hung around the bleachers that were pushed up against the walls. Two mattresses that were stacked on top of each other were covered in pillows and silken blankets and sheets. Spencer swallowed, and he prayed. Jack lead him to the stack of mattresses and pushed the boy down on them. A plume of dust jumped into the air and immediately entered Spencer’s lungs. Jack kneeled on the bed in front of him and wore a wicked grin on his face, “Finally, I can do what I’ve longed for since I first saw your face. I jacked off to thoughts of you for years before I knew you loved me back. Spencer, I love you so much, you have no idea. I’ve killed for you, don’t you understand?” Jack asked, his voice gaining an angry edge. Spencer simply nodded, realizing he wasn’t completely frozen in terror. This was bad. Spencer closed his eyes to try and disassociate but his eyes flew open and a surprised gasp left his lips when he felt Jack palm his pants. Jack leaned down with a manic grin on his face and pressed a kiss to Spencer’s cheek before whispering in his ear, “I want you, Spencer. I want your skin between my teeth. I want your blood on my tongue. I want to feel you all over me.” Jack’s breath was hot against his skin and it sent an involuntary shiver down his spine. Spencer felt the nausea in his stomach and the lump in his throat. He felt the tears begin to stream down his cheeks silently and Jack kissed them.

~

“Jack will fucking kill him.” Derek said and Hotch nodded in agreement, “We cannot let him stay with that maniac for too long, we know how sensitive Spencer is to trauma.” Derek said, referring to the Tobias Hankel incident. Derek watched Penelope pacing in the background and he watched her worried expression as tears welled up in her eyes and she excused herself from the room. Derek sighed and followed her out. He found her pacing back and forth between her office and the break room. He stopped her and she looked up at him with teary eyes and running mascara. She threw her arms around his neck and began to sob into his shirt. 

“We just got him back, Derek. I can’t lose him again. I love that boy to death.” Penelope said in between breathy sobs. “He’s so _young_ , Derek. He has so much to give the world.” She mumbled into his shoulder as sobs wracked her body. Derek hushed her and held her in his arms. This was hard for everyone, but Penelope always felt a special bond with Spencer.

“It’ll be okay, baby girl. We got him back once, we can get him back again. I promise, come on. We need to analyze what we have, you’re good at that, right?” Derek asked, already knowing the answer but Penelope nodded anyways and began wiping her tears. “Good, where did Jack grow up? Was there any place that was significant enough for him to return to?” He asked and Penelope nodded.

“Jack grew up in M-Maine, he was an accomplished high school student but his school closed down over a decade ago.” Penelope blubbered, her voice calming down so she could focus. “Maine is about a fourteen hour drive and depending on how far into Maine he goes, he could already be there if he started the drive at, you said 3 am? I-I could pull up the address and have you guys on a plane in five minutes.” Penelope said, the excitement in her voice escalating as she spoke faster and with more vigor. A grin was on her face as she stormed back into the conference room, dragging Derek behind her. “Maine, Cherrybrook High School.” She said and sat back down in her chair and started typing rapidly. “I just sent you the address, and a plane just landed. I’m putting out a nationwide APB for Jack’s plates. Go get our boy genius.” She said and Derek winked at her as everyone took in the information. The group scrambled out of the room and to the landing pad. Everyone was worrying, but Derek was confident that they could get to him before Jack could do some irreparable damage. The flight was short, only about an hour, but the team still thought it was too long. They had already split off, half of them making it to the high school and the others getting to the police station to notify them of the issue. The immediately understood and made sure the team had the backup, if need be. 

Hotch, JJ, Rossi, and Derek arrived at the high school where they saw Jack’s car in the parking lot. They checked the car for anything dangerous, and finding nothing, they entered the school. The two extra squad cars and SWAT arrived not long after and came in with them. They heard the laughing and screams from the gym and Derek immediately kicked down the door and Jack had over fifty weapons aimed at his bare back. Derek took in the scene before them, Jack naked, leaning over a half dressed and bloody Spencer. “Step away from the doctor,” Derek said, venom dripping from his voice. Derek saw the hint of a smug grin on Jack’s face.

“Or what, you’ll shoot me? The place is rigged. One step closer and it’ll all blow.” Jack said and Derek scoffed. Rossi and Hotch exchanged looks and Derek knew immediately that bomb squad would be on it soon enough. “None of you are good for him, like I am. I’ll love him and treasure him and make him mine.” Jack said as he raised one of his arms and turned around to reveal that he was holding a gun to Spencer’s head, who laid gagged and tied on the mattresses. Derek saw the shine of tears on his cheeks and the blood that covered him in multiple places. He had cuts and slices down his chest and his eyes rolled back into his head as he fought to stay conscious.

Hotch got a notification that bomb squad had arrived and the building was clear. Derek felt a sigh of relief exit his lungs. They needed to do something, quickly. JJ stepped up and offered a weak smile and Jack watched her eyes flicker towards Spencer, who looked like he had finally succumbed to unconsciousness. “C’mon Jack, you know how much we care about him. If we all didn’t love him, we wouldn’t be here, right? We love him just as much as you do.” She said and took a step closer and Jack reached under one of the pillows and pulled out another Glock, pointing it at JJ. 

“Don’t move, blondie,” Jack warned and JJ raised an eyebrow at him. “Drop the gun.” He said and JJ obeyed, placing the gun on the ground and kicking it away from both of them.

“I promise, Jack. We want to help him. He’s already blacked out, there’s nothing more you can do.” She said and took a half step towards him and Jack’s pupils dilated and he grinned.

Jack glanced at Spencer and laughed, “Whoops.” He said as he pulled both triggers at once. The gun pointed at Spencer clicked and the empty chamber echoed. The bullet from the other gun exited the chamber and embedded itself into JJ chest. The sound of fifty guns emptying their contents into Jack’s body is the only sound that was heard afterward, other than the screams.

The whole crew scrambled, they maneuvered around Jack’s corpse and reached where Spencer lay. Two ambulances sat outside and Derek helped the, get both JJ and Spencer onto stretchers and into the vans. Derek sent a glance at JJ, she grinned with blood in her teeth, “Eat it, you sick son of a bitch.” She said and spat blood towards Jack’s lifeless, bloodied corpse. Derek sat in the back of Spencer’s truck as the BAU was on their way to the hospital.

Derek held Spencer’s hand tightly. Derek barely felt the hot tears down his face until he saw it fall from his face onto Spencer’s pale skin. “I’m so sorry, Spencer. I’m so fucking sorry. It was my job, _my job,_ to protect you and I failed. I’m so sorry.” Derek continued to mumble apologies as he sobbed in the back of the ambulance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I'd love it if you'd leave some feedback and/or kudos. I've been very busy with school and I cranked out this chapter and it's about 2000 words shorter than I usually have my chapters, so apologies for that. I'm not entirely proud of this chapter but this is where it gets juicy. Thank you so much for your support.
> 
> Until Next Time,  
> Adrian
> 
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> twitter: @TheAdrianWood  
> snapchat: @theadrianwood


	4. God Only Knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that inspired this chapter was God Only Knows, a cover by JR JR.

Derek stood in that waiting room for hours. Even as the nurses change shifts, they brought him and his colleagues coffee every couple hours. Penelope sat in one of the chairs, heels by her feet, silent tears streaming down her face as her eyes stayed trained on the doors. Her hands stayed folded in her lap, she looked a mess. Her pristine clothes were wrinkled and her sweater had makeup smudges where she had wiped her eyes. She didn’t speak, she barely moved. Derek was pacing back and forth as he usually did when he was nervous about Spencer. His legs started to ache but he couldn’t stop moving. If he stood still for too long, he’d realize the severity of the situation and break down again. He followed a specific path of the linoleum tiles and doesn’t move his gaze from the sickly mint green color and the white speckled tiles. Emily sat on the floor, leaning against a plastic potted plant. She had her headphones in and Derek could faintly hear heavy rap music flowing into her ears. Derek didn’t need to ask why she listened to it, the heavy lyrics drowned out her thoughts. Emily couldn’t stop picturing JJ’s bloodied body being dragged away from the mess of bodily fluids and pain. She saw the blood in her teeth and her pale skin. Rossi sat in stunned silence at what had gone down at the high school. The rest of the team had stayed behind to deal with paperwork. They needed to arrange a hospital transfer for both JJ and Spencer so they could go back to Quantico. Every time the door opened, a doctor would walk out and call someone else’s name. Derek would stop and listen before shaking his head in frustration and continue walking back and forth. 

After what seemed like hours, a short doctor with a round face and flushed cheeks came through the door. She called Spencer and JJ’s names and the four of them looked up at the doctor and she smiled warmly and walked over. Derek didn’t let her speak.

“Can I see him?” Derek asked and the doctor put her hand up.

“Dr. Reid will make a full recovery physically, although mentally…” She paused and sighed. “I don’t know how well he’s doing mentally. He’s awake but unresponsive. He may be like that for a while. As for Mrs. Jareau, she is asleep but not comatose. They’re both to make a full physical recovery.” She said and made a motion for the small group to follow her. Rossi shot a text to the rest of the group who weren’t present that all was well. Derek walked right beside the doctor, as she opened a door not far down the hallway and gestured for them to enter. Derek let out a gasp at the positive emptiness in Spencer’s eyes. His usually bright brown eyes were dull and lifeless. He looked like a zombie, his skin was sickly pale and there was no color in his cheeks. The white bandages that peeked out from his shirt reminded everyone of what happened. He didn’t move at the sight of his friends. Derek sat next to him and avoided touching him. Penelope promptly burst into tears at the sight of her boy wonder. Spencer flinched at the sound and Derek just shook his head and left without another word. He didn’t want to see Spencer like this. He wanted his happy, smiling, glowing boy back. Rossi frowned and followed him outside.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” David asked angrily and Derek stopped in his tracks, he was visibly shaking. “This is the time that he needs you most, and you’re just going to leave?” Derek rubbed his face and began to say something but David interrupted him. “This kid has gone through Hell and back. And Christ, he needs the man he loves most by his side. His recovery is going to be so fucking hard, mentally and physically. And so help me God, I will beat your ass if you’re not there for him.” David said and Derek’s eyes widened.

“He doesn’t love me, he thinks he does. I’m not the kind of person you can love.” Derek said, shaking his head. He stepped back a few steps before continuing on to exit the hospital. David sighed and went back into the hospital room where Spencer sat and JJ slept. Penelope was sobbing into Emily’s shirt, smearing what was left of her makeup onto the fabric. David placed a hand on Spencer’s shoulder and he immediately started shaking. He buried his face in his hands and Penelope looked up and brought him into her arms.

“Is he gone? Please, Penny, tell me he’s gone.” Spencer cried, his hiccupping sobs interrupting his speech. Penelope’s heart broke as Spencer squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out any remembrance of the past events. Penelope’s lip quivered and she stroked his hair.

“He’s gone, baby. He’s never gonna touch a hair on your pretty little head ever again. We got him for good, baby.” Penelope hushed and Spencer nodded, pressing his face, contorted in pain, into her chest. “We got him for good.” She repeated and continued to hush him and coddle him, almost like a baby. David sat beside them, tears in his eyes. Emily sat across from JJ, staring at her with a concerned face. She only ever mumbled soft words that no one found coherent. After a couple hours, Emily had someone ended up sleeping beside JJ with her arm draped over the woman’s abdomen protectively. Spencer had fallen asleep in Penelope’s arms and David had left to get coffee for himself before reluctantly switching with Hotch. Hotch took in the scene in front of him and smiled. These were his teammates, he loved them so much and he was glad they were there for each other in times like these. Penelope’s eyes fluttered open and she smiled down at Spencer. Hotch furrowed his brows, someone was missing.

“Garcia, where’s Morgan? I was almost sure he’d be here.” Hotch asked in a hushed voice, sitting in the chair that Rossi had previously occupied. Penelope frowned and stroked Spencer’s hair. Hotch noticed her lack of makeup and the tired bags under her eyes. He could also see the streaks of past tears on Spencer’s flushed face.

“He stormed off right after we were able to see him. Didn’t even stop for JJ. I think he’ll be back later, at least I hope he will.” She hummed sadly, pressing a gentle kiss to Spencer’s forehead. Hotch, although still confused, nodded anyways. He was always the one that gave the pep speeches and he felt the words swell in his throat and he managed a weak smile as he placed a hang on Penelope’s arm.

“I know things are difficult right now, and they will be for a while but I know that Spencer will get through this, JJ too.” He said and her eyes held a sympathetic gleam, but he continued. “Spencer may be in bad shape, and he may be a little damaged but I know we can get him back in working order soon. He’s just a kid, and we all need to be there for him, especially you, and especially Derek.” Hotch said and Penelope laughed quietly and wiped away a stray tear.

“Thank you, sir. I know how much Spencer means to everyone, so we need to make sure he gets better. He’s just a baby, Aaron.” She said and shook her head, her eyes examining every little detail on Spencer’s face. Hotch nodded and mentioned something about coffee. Penelope simply nodded and continued to hold Spencer. As soon as Hotch got back with two cups of coffee, Spencer started to wake up a little bit. He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and he flinched at the slight tug of the IV on his arm. He glanced at Hotch and offered a weak smile. 

Spencer’s voice was raspy and tired, “Hey, chief.” He said and Hotch huffed a sad laugh and reached over to take the boy’s hand and give it a light, comforting squeeze. Spencer glanced around and spotted Emily and JJ. “Where is everyone?” He asked softly, noticing the lack of his colleagues. His tone was disappointed and sad. Hotch frowned.

“Most had paperwork to do and will be here as soon as they can,” Hotch said and rubbed his face. He glanced at Penelope and she nodded slowly. “Although, we haven’t heard from Derek since late last night. I wish he would call me or something. I’ll make sure he comes to visit, Spencer.” Hotch assured him with a weak smile and Spencer nodded. Hotch excused himself and left Penelope and Spencer to talk. He walked outside and leaned against the doorframe to check his phone. He had a couple missed calls from Beth but nothing else. He called her back and talked with her for a bit, letting her know what happened and how long he’d be gone. She said she’d let Jack know. Once Hotch got off the phone, he peeked into the room and saw Penelope and Spencer talking quietly, he heard them speaking about time travel and that BBC television show they both adored so much. It made Hotch smile, he knew Spencer was going to get better. He could feel it. Spencer was the son of the BAU, raised to maturity by the cases they solved. Spencer was such a good person, he didn’t deserve anything he went through. Hotch went back inside and started answering work emails while Penelope and Spencer spoke. JJ woke up not long afterward and pushed Emily away as she fussed over the wounds. There was a lightness to the room, a kind of hope. They all knew everything was going to be okay, and it showed. Everyone had a hope that it would turn out alright even if nothing was said. The others had arrived with coffee and books for Spencer to occupy himself with when they all had to leave to get the transfer approved. Spencer greeted everyone with a weak smile and tired eyes. It had been hours before his friends started leaving. Penelope was reluctant to leave him alone in the hospital, but he assured her that he was fine. Spencer was actually extremely exhausted, there was way too much social interaction and he just wanted to sleep for a couple hours. The hospital was unfortunately where he got the most sleep. After everyone hesitantly said their goodbyes, he was left alone with JJ, who had already fallen asleep mere minutes after they were all out the door. Spencer put in his earbuds and listened to quiet classical music as he read the books his lovely friends had brought him, despite already having read them before. He had already finished one of the books when he heard a soft knock at the door. Spencer took out his headphones and put the book down, glancing up to see Derek’s guilty brown eyes.

“Hey, kid,” Derek said softly and sat down beside him on the bed, holding a bouquet of pink and yellow flowers. Spencer smiled and took the flowers, they smelled almost too sweet. Their aroma was a little plastic, and he set them down on the table next to the bed.

“What took you so long?” Spencer asked, his voice still weak and raspy. Derek looked away and Spencer sighed. “I thought you were gone, I didn’t think you’d be coming to see me. They all said you would, but-” He was thrown into a coughing fit and Derek handed him a glass of water. “But I knew you would come see me, at some point,” Spencer said with a frown, sipping his water lightly.

“I was going to but you looked so broken, you looked so empty.” Derek sighed and Spencer shook his head. “I didn’t want to see you like that.” Derek grabbed Spencer’s hand and gripped it tightly. “I wanted my happy, smiling boy back. I didn’t want the shell of who he was. I wanted to see you laughing and grinning, I wanted to see the crinkle of your eyes and the flush of your cheeks. I didn’t want the hollow emptiness I saw when you got in here. I thought you were _dead_. You looked dead, I thought you were. I was so scared.” Derek said softly and gave Spencer’s hand a squeeze. His beautifully pale face held a frown. He opened his mouth to say something but Derek interrupted him, “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. I wanted to so badly but I didn’t. This is all my fault,” Derek sighed, “I guess that’s also why I didn’t want to come see you. I didn’t want to face what I had caused.” Derek sighed again and looked into Spencer’s concerned brown eyes. “I should’ve done better. I won’t let this happen again, Spencer.” Derek said, his voice wavering.

Spencer smiled sadly and brought a shaking hand up to Derek’s face. Derek leaned into the gentle touch, “This wasn’t your fault. I’m not gonna let you blame yourself for this.” Spencer said softly and shook his head. “No one could’ve prevented this, sometimes horrible things have to happen and the only thing you can do is learn from it. Although, I’m not quite sure what I’m learning from this particular situation.” Spencer huffed out a weak laugh, it sounded almost painful. Derek frowned as Spencer’s hand fell from his face. There was a moment of silence and Spencer looked away. “It’s useless, Derek. I can’t stop thinking about his face, or what he said to me. It’s going to be permanently ingrained in my skull until the day I die. Can you imagine, going from a nationally recognized doctor to being a rape victim.” He choked on the word, it held a weight he wasn’t sure he could carry. Derek furrowed his brows and shook his head.

“You’re so much more than that, one event doesn’t have to define you for the rest of your life. We didn’t put your name in the news, it’s a private matter.” Derek said and leaned forward to place a hand on the back of Spencer’s neck. Their faces were mere inches apart, the heart monitor spiked. “You’re so much more than that,” Derek whispered and he watched Spencer’s beautiful brown eyes break eye contact to glance at his lips. It was a tense moment, neither knew what to do, they were so close. The heart monitor beeped steadily at a faster pace as the seconds grew longer. “You’re everything,” Derek said and closed the space between them, pressing a gentle kiss to Spencer’s lips. His hand remained on the back of Spencer’s neck and they both heard the heart monitor going insane beside them. A nurse entered the room with a concerned look just as the two pulled away from each other. He chuckled and excused himself from the room with a quiet apology. Spencer grinned widely and leaned his forehead against Derek’s.

“You have no idea how long I waited for that.” Spencer breathed and he didn’t catch the look of guilt that crossed Derek’s face when the words left his lips. Derek smiled and nodded. 

“I better get going, visiting times are long over, it’s a miracle they even let me in here,” Derek said with a chuckle. Spencer nodded sadly as Derek kissed his forehead and said his goodbyes. Spencer spent the night wide awake, the fear of the terrors coming back and he couldn’t get Derek out of his head.

Spencer didn’t see Derek for a couple days after that. It seemed like much longer than it had actually been. Penelope was the one to visit most often, and she was ecstatic when Spencer told her about his encounter. Spencer loved hearing Penelope laugh when everything else seemed so dreary. Spencer had to make her promise to keep it to herself and she reluctantly agreed to keep her mouth shut. They talked about it a little bit more before JJ woke up and they changed the topic. They started talking about the health of the BAU’s two patients and how Spencer and JJ were doing. Spencer was quiet on the subject but they were interrupted by Spencer’s psychologist who had flown in from Quantico. It was time for his weekly session to make sure he was coping in a healthy way. He guided Spencer to his office which was thankfully close to where he stayed. 

Spencer sat down in the office with a wince and was immediately reminded of what Jack did to him. He frowned and lowered his head, not meeting the psychiatrist’s eyes. The man sighed and spoke gently. Spencer felt like a scared creature being coerced by a scientist. In a way, he was. He was scared, and the doctor was just a specialized scientist. Spencer glanced up at Dr. Ku. He was a Korean man with smooth tan skin and dark eyes that made you want to confide in him. Dr. Ku smiled softly and Spencer averted his eyes and began to nervously crack his knuckles and fiddle with the sleeves of his shirt. “Spencer, would you like to try to talk about it today?” Dr. Ku said, leaning back in his chair and crossing his legs. Spencer sighed and nodded. “That’s good. I’m going to remind you of something.” He said with a gentle smile, “Everything that is said here, will never leave this room unless the information you give to me is about harming others or yourself. I also want to remind you that Jack Breckenridge is dead, and he cannot hurt you. The only way he could hurt you is if you can’t get past this. That doesn’t mean forgetting about it or shoving back into that big brain of yours. It means realizing what happened, and healing.” Dr. Ku said and Spencer nodded. 

 

Derek was pacing in the hospital hallways. There was so much going through his head and most of it, he regrets. He regrets kissing Spencer, despite how soft his lips were and how sweet he tasted. He knew who his heart belongs to. Derek was a mess. He was aware that Spencer was in the psychiatrist’s office and he was coming to visit so they could talk it out. He shook his head and started walking down the hallway to the elevators. He rode them down and felt relief when he saw the exit. He saw multiple BAU cars and knew it was more visitors for Spencer. He couldn’t be there for him, he had to leave before anyone saw him. Derek went around a couple cars and made a beeline to his own truck before quickly starting the engine and driving off as fast as possible. He sighed as he turned out of the hospital parking lot, and stopped farther down the street. He put his head on the steering wheel, he had to evaluate everything he was doing in a logical way, not in an emotional way. His emotions would hurt people more than necessary. Savannah was more important than anything at this point. To keep her and their unborn child safe was the only thing Derek cared about. Then it came to Spencer, he got into trouble and Derek had been giving more attention to Savannah than to his boy. He tried to make it up to him by giving in to Spencer’s affections but it only made things worse. Derek sighed, he wasn’t going to leave Savannah and their child. But he didn’t want to leave Spencer, either. Derek rubbed his face in exasperation, he was more frustrated than he’d ever been with a simple decision. Savannah, and the child, or Spencer?

 

Spencer came out of the psychiatrist's office with puffy eyes and a red, tear-stained face. Dr. Ku gave him a tight hug and Spencer appreciated the action. “You did good today, I’m proud of you.” The doctor said and Spencer thanked him quietly and they walked in silence as Dr. Ku guided Spencer back to his room. 

Later that day, Spencer got more visits from friends and he was swamped with flowers, gifts and cheesy “Get Well!” cards. He was very grateful for his friends and enjoyed their company but somehow he missed Derek, again. He hadn’t been showing up when he said he would and he wasn’t answering Spencer’s calls or texts. Spencer expressed his concerns to Penelope and she told him it would be fine, although Spencer doubted her kind words. After everyone had gotten a little quieter and calm, Spencer excused himself into the hallway. He tried to call Derek but it went to voicemail, again. He sent him another text asking him where he was, but no response. He began to worry. Worrying wasn’t good for his condition, according to Dr. Ku. He put his phone away and went back into the room, putting on a happy face for his friends. He knew they would always be wary of him, he hated feeling like a porcelain doll, fragile and easily broken. Spencer may be chipped but he’s not broken, he’s never been broken. As he entered the room, Hotch looked up from his phone and smiled.

“We got your transfer approved, you and JJ will be on a plane by tonight back to Quantico. Where both of you will have some healing time at _home_.” He said, emphasizing the fact that they weren’t allowed to come in for work. He knew they would both try, with how much they loved what they did. Spencer reluctantly nodded and resumed his place on the hospital bed. As Everyone said their goodbyes to hop on an earlier flight, Spencer stopped Hotch. 

“Have you heard anything from Morgan?” Spencer asked hesitantly, and Hotch frowned. Spencer immediately felt nausea churn in his abdomen, this wouldn’t be good.

“He called me yesterday saying he got on an early flight home, he said something about a family emergency,” Hotch said and placed a hand on Spencer’s shoulder. “Sorry, Reid.” He said and squeezed the boy’s shoulder gently before leaving the room to allow Spencer to get dressed. Spencer sighed, he felt his eyes burn and a lump form in his throat, but he wouldn’t cry now. He was getting stronger but Derek was only weakening him. A family emergency? That was didn’t just forget to mention to someone in the same position as Spencer. The doctor sighed and saw the sweatpants and a black shirt folded neatly on the side table. His chucks sat on the floor next to a pair of socks. He changed slowly, every movement of his body causing horrible aches and pains. He hoped the doctor sent him home with some painkillers. He looked in the mirror, the clothes looked suspiciously familiar. Spencer realized he had lost his go-bag somewhere in Maine and these were definitely Derek’s clothes. They were clean and smelled like detergent. They were too big but they were comfortable, and he found that his previously bloodstained sweater had been dry cleaned and held no remembrance of the event from before. JJ pulled the curtain back and offered a smile to Spencer while using her crutch to hold herself up. It had been difficult for both of them, healing in a place that wasn’t home. She sat down by his bed as he finished tying his laces and put her head on his shoulder.

“We’re going home, Spence.” She said softly and he nodded. JJ would go home to her ex-husband and tired kids, and Spencer would go home to an empty apartment filled with books. There wasn’t much at home for him, but the BAU had been more like a family than his own ever was, or ever dreamed of being. He knew they were going to have cases when they got back but Spencer didn’t mind, it would be nice to get his brain back in working order instead of his daily routine as a patient. Wake up, medication, eat, rest, medication, eat, therapy, medication, eat, sleep. It was so repetitive and Spencer found it static and boring. He was excited to go back to the life of solving crimes, it was what he was meant to do. 

Even on the flight back, it was only Spencer, JJ, Hotch and Penelope on the plane. The four of them stayed quiet, Spencer had passed out thirty minutes in and Penelope watched over him while dozing off. The flight went by slowly, every minute aching by like a snail on a cross-country road trip. By the time they landed, Hotch had the wake everyone up, a car took JJ and Spencer immediately to the hospital to be checked by a doctor so that they could go home. Dr. Ku was there to do a final assessment of Spencer’s mental health, seeing if he was mentally fit to go home. After everything was taken care of, Hotch and Rossi split up to drive the wounded agents home. The car ride to Spencer’s house with Hotch was close to silent. Just as Spencer was hoping he wouldn’t say anything, Hotch opened his mouth.

“Everything will be okay, Spencer. I know you’ve been having a little bit of trouble with a certain someone and it will turn out okay. Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything.” Hotch said and Spencer swallowed thickly and nodded. They pulled up to the apartment building and Spencer dreaded going inside. Aaron walked Spencer to his door and gave him a hug goodbye, reminding him again to call. Spencer walked into his apartment and sighed, it smelled of coconut and books. He had gotten used to the scent of the hospital, bleach, and death, and he had forgotten what his apartment smelled like. The doctor huffed and walked into the kitchen, setting down the painkillers he was prescribed. He was always weary with drugs these days, after the Dilaudid incident, he was cautious. As he poured himself a glass of water, his phone pinged. It was a text message from Derek, it simply said: _“I’m on my way to your apartment.”_ Spencer smiled, he would finally get some time with Derek. He looked around his apartment and realized what an organized mess it was. Books sat in unsteady stacks, papers littered the coffee table, a couple old cold case folders. He knew where everything was, where every book and paper lay. His kitchen was clean, and since he’d been out of town, he hadn’t been cooking much. Spencer held the glass carefully, feeling every small ridge, chip or scratch on the glass. He didn’t realize how tired he really was, he set the glass down and rubbed his face. He needed to shave. It had been days since he’d gotten to shave, they didn’t allow any sharp objects in the room since he was still under review for self destructive behavior. Now all that was done and past, now he could have a proper shave. He went into the bathroom and cleaned himself up before returning to the kitchen. He picked up his phone and saw another text from Derek, “I’m pulling in.” Spencer grinned at the text and sat down on his sofa, trying to organize the papers on the table. Cold cases from years since past, specifically the Isdal Woman. Spencer knew if he glanced at it now, he wouldn’t put it down. He cleaned up the papers and put them in the folder before hearing a gentle knock at the door. He stood up and stood at the door before opening it, Derek Morgan stood at the door, his brows set in a look of anxiety. 

“Long time no see,” Spencer said softly and opened the door to let Derek in. Derek thanked him and shuffled inside, allowing Spencer to close the door behind them. “How are you doing?” Spencer asked and Derek scoffed.

“I should be asking you,” Derek said with a half smile. Spencer laughed quietly and made a motion for them to sit on the sofa. They were quiet before Derek laughed awkwardly to break the silence. Spencer pulled one of his legs up onto the couch, Derek looked at Spencer sadly and sighed. “Spencer, I have to talk to you about something,” Derek mumbled and Spencer’s stomach dropped. Spencer cleared his throat and furrowed his eyebrows.

“Is something wrong?” He asked, his head tilting to the side in confusion. He wasn’t sure where this was going and his heartbeat started racing. This was almost too much, his senses were being overloaded. Spencer could hear his heartbeat in his ears and the combined smell of Derek’s cologne and coconut was sickly sweet. He kept his hands in his lap so Derek wouldn’t see them shaking.

“No, nothing’s wrong. It’s just, I have something really important to tell you.” Derek said, rubbing the back of his neck. Spencer was intrigued but equally as terrified of what might come out of Derek’s mouth. Spencer nodded, telling Derek to continue. “Spencer,”

_“I’m getting married.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not proud of this chapter, although I would like to share it with you so I can evolve the story to the next arc. Thank you kindly for reading. Kudos and comments are welcome.
> 
> Until Next Time,  
> Adrian


	5. Cannibal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE END

Spencer had to let the words sink in. He felt his entire body lean back into the couch, a lump formed in his throat, his eyes burned with fresh tears threatening to fall and nausea building up in his stomach. He just stared at the blank wall and nodded slowly. When he finally allowed himself to look at Derek, he saw the utter heartbreak in his eyes. Spencer knew it hurt Derek to merely say it aloud, Derek made this decision and he fucked himself over for it. Spencer stood up and walked into the kitchen, not even the glass of water looked appetizing. He leaned on the counter and took a deep breath, he already heard Derek’s heavy footsteps behind him.

“Look, Spencer, I’m sorry-” Spencer interrupted Derek, which he was usually too polite to do but Spencer felt an unusual rage inside him. He turned around and glared at Derek.

“Maybe you should’ve thought about an apology before you decided to kiss me,” Spencer said and leaned against the sink, crossing his arms over his chest. Derek started to say something but Spencer cut him off, “Tell me about them,” his voice dripped with hurt and anger.

Derek deflated, he had never seen Spencer so upset. “Her name is Savannah, she’s a doctor,” Derek paused and sighed, rubbing his face in exasperation. “And two months ago, we found out she’s pregnant,” Derek said and shifted his weight.

Spencer didn’t know what to say, despite his IQ, Spencer couldn’t find the words to respond to Derek’s news. Derek offered a smile and Spencer took a deep breath before carefully choosing his words, “Congratulations, now get the fuck out of my apartment,” Spencer walked towards the door to let him out.

“Spencer, please. Let me explain-” Spencer whipped around to interrupt yet again.

“Explain what, Derek? Two months ago you found out your now-fiance is pregnant. Last week, I was raped repeatedly by a man who I thought was put away for good. Five days ago, I was on my deathbed. Three days ago, you kissed me. Now, you tell me you’re engaged. You’ve done enough explaining, Derek. I’m done being treated like shit, get out,” Spencer’s words choked and he knew if he wasn’t careful that he would break down. He opened the door for Derek, motioning for him to leave. Derek finally looked defeated. The man walked out, hesitating by the doorway before dismissing whatever thought he had and leaving. Spencer slammed the door behind him and immediately fell to his knees and let out a sob that shook his entire body. He sat on the floor for what seemed like hours, just crying. He got the strength to crawl onto the sofa and muffled his sobs with pillows and blankets. He eventually fell asleep and did not intend on coming to work the next day. 

When Spencer woke up the next morning, his whole body ached and he momentarily forgot about the past day’s events. He groaned loudly and heard his phone going off in the other room. He got up and walked into the kitchen, seeing the glass of water and a bottle of painkillers. He took two and grabbed his phone, he had missed calls and texts and as he picked up the phone, Penelope called. He answered, “Hey, Penelope,” his voice was raspy and thick with sleep.

_“We’ve been trying to get ahold of you for hours, where are you?”_ she asked, her voice coated in worry.

“I’m staying home, I’m still hurting. I slept in a little too long,” he said, trying to make up an excuse as to why he didn’t show up. She believed it, but Spencer knew he would have to tell her at some point. He made another excuse about needing rest and hung up, he proceeded to answer his missed texts from Hotch and the others. He saw one missed call from Derek and he deleted it and spent the rest of the day reading his books over again.

It had been days before Spencer decided to go into work. He came into the office, appearing sharp as ever, but if you took the time to examine him, you could see the exhaustion. The bags under his eyes appeared more like bruises, he hadn’t shaved in days so a thick stubble had accumulated on his face. The young doctor looked a mess, despite his efforts to dress nicely. Hotch saw him first, walking over to his desk, obvious shock on his face. Their conversation was short, Spencer made an excuse about pain and night terrors, which wasn’t entirely false, but it had brought up an interesting point.

“Derek handed me his resignation this morning, you just missed him,” Hotch said, a sad smile on his face. Spencer felt the bile rise up in his throat as he remembered what had happened. His bitterness got the best of him.

“Good.”

Days later, Spencer sat at his desk, thumbing through books he’d already read. The office had been quiet after the last case, they usually got small cases that required one or two agents. Spencer had already finished his statement for the police and his papers and such. He had cleaned himself up and took a day off to catch up on sleep. He looked better, he felt better. Although, the thoughts of the dead man plagued his nights and left him mostly sleepless. Spencer felt pathetic and broken after, but his sessions with Dr. Ku had helped tremendously. He had also sent a letter to Derek, apologizing. He knew how old fashioned he was but he couldn’t just send him an email and Derek knew how he felt about most technology. He wrote him a five-page letter apologizing, and in return, he received a wedding invitation. Hotch and Rossi were on their way back from a case only in downtown D.C., so the office was quiet. Emily noticed the doctor was lost and his thoughts and approached him. 

“Hey, Reid,” she said softly and Spencer was immediately brought out of it and offered a smile, “We have a new recruit coming in today, I think you should meet him. His name is Luke Alvez, he’s a transfer from the Fugitive Task Force. He’ll be here soon, you should try to socialize a little,” she suggested and gestured to the glass doors. 

Spencer nodded and sent a glance towards the doors as Emily left him alone with his thoughts once more. A new recruit, a replacement for Derek. Spencer prayed the men were nothing alike. Spencer spent the next thirty minutes staring at the two glass doors until he spotted the elevator doors open and a man with lovely tan skin and tight black curls walked through. Spencer straightened a little bit. He was handsome, he had nice bone structure and as the agent got closer, Spencer saw how dark his eyes were. Emily walked up to greet him with a firm handshake and a smile. The new agents' smile was big and bright as if he hadn’t suffered a day in his life. Spencer hoped that much was true.

Penelope came bursting in with a file in hand, Hotch and Rossi following closely behind her. “We got a big one, folks!” Penelope calls and Emily smiles at Luke and shows him into the conference room where everyone began to settle themselves. It was odd not having JJ around, seeing as she was still recovering, but the team would make do. Penelope clicked on the projector, “The complete skeletons of five John Doe’s were found in a dump outside of Las Vegas yesterday morning. They’ve all been completely picked clean, there is no trace of human flesh on these bones,” Penelope winced and brought up the pictures of the bones at the original site and then put together to form a human skeleton. “The coroner’s report told us that the first set of bones is five months old, the next is four months old and so on and so forth. The most recent set of bones is only a month old. And before you ask, there were no bones missing from any of the five sets,” she continued and Rossi noticed something off the bat.

“It looks like the bones had been cut with an electric saw of some sort,” he pointed out and Penelope nodded.

“Yes, the coroner also told us in her report that the limbs of each victim had been amputated antemortem. They were all still alive when they were cut up into pieces,” Penelope said and frowned.

“It says in her report that there was also a lack of collagen in the bones. Does that mean the unsub had these limbs in an oven at some point?” Spencer pointed out quietly, it was the most he had spoken in a while and it made Penelope smile. Hotch raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Are we looking at cannibalism here?” he speculated and everyone felt the air tense. Cannibalism cases were usually the most difficult because there was never any forensic evidence. “This could be worse than we thought, wheels up in thirty,” Hotch said and dismissed the meeting. Spencer slipped out of the room and went back to his desk to shove a couple books into his bag. Luke had gone up to Spencer after the short meeting and placed a hand on his shoulder. Spencer jumped and Luke immediately retracted his hand.

“Sorry man, forgot about the touch thing for a second there,” Luke apologized, and Spencer dismissed it with a cautious smile. “I heard you’re from Vegas, are you excited to go back?” Luke asked and Spencer felt himself relax. It was one of the first things someone had said or asked him that wasn’t centered around his current mental state or how he was feeling. It was nice to have a break from all the special treatment from his other coworkers. He allowed himself a soft smile.

“I am, actually. I might actually pay a visit to my mom after we finish the case,” Spencer said and Luke nodded. “I think it’ll be nice, I never have a chance to see her with this job,” he continued and Luke offered a kind smile. There was something familiar about it but Spencer couldn’t place it.

“I think she would appreciate it, do you mind telling me about your mom?” he hummed and the two walked to the jet together, making casual small talk. Spencer felt relaxed around Luke, there was a comforting familiarity about him. The two continued to talk quietly on the flight, avoiding all subjects involving mental health, the job or the case. Spencer eventually got Luke talking for thirty minutes only about his dog. When they announced the landing, Spencer felt himself deflate. Luke noticed this and touched his arm gently. “Don’t worry about it,” he said and for once, he didn’t.

“Alright, Alvez and Reid go see the bones, Prentiss and Rossi go to the crime scene and Tara, you’ll be with me. We’ll set up and see what we can do to identify the bodies,” after Hotch had dismissed everyone, the group broke off to their respective cars. The ride to the coroner’s office was quiet between Luke and Spencer, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Spencer didn’t feel the need to fill the silence with meaningless words they would forget later. It wasn’t like the car rides with Derek, where he had to constantly fill the silence. Luke was quiet, Spencer noticed he was thinking. About what, Spencer didn’t know. He didn’t notice he was staring until Luke sent him a glance, ending with a smile. Spencer immediately directed his attention back to the road and he smiled upon hearing Luke’s soft chuckle.

They pulled up to the coroner’s office and walked in, flashing their badges and finding the cold, medical room with five big tables with bones lined up in the shape of a complete skeleton. Spencer furrowed his brows and leaned over the skeleton to examine the bone saw markings Rossi had pointed out earlier.

“SSA Luke Alvez, that’s Doctor Spencer Reid,” Luke introduced the two and the coroner went over standard procedure. Cause of death was almost impossible to determine, and there was no forensic evidence other than a small bit of saliva on one of the more recent sets of bones. The coroner was able to ID two of the victims. John Morris and Carter Jones, the third and fourth sets of bones. “And it’s consistent with cannibalism?” Luke asked and both Spencer and the coroner nodded.

“There’s a lack of collagen, they were baked. That’s probably how they died, or exsanguination from being cut into pieces. I would assume exsanguination, but we can’t be certain,” she said and Luke hummed, “It was a bone saw, as in medical, not hardware.” Spencer straightened his back and thanked the woman before leaving with Luke. Spencer dialed Hotch’s number as they walked back to the car. Hotch answered on the second ring.

_“Did you get anything from the coroner?”_ Hotch asked, his voice sounded almost mechanical. Spencer frowned, something was bothering Hotch but he knew if he pushed it, Hotch would become more resilient.

“We have two ID’s and the unsub may have a medical background or access to medical tools.” Luke relayed and they heard Hotch hum.

_“Get Garcia to look into the lives of the two victims, try to get the families to the station so we can talk to them,”_ Hotch said and ended the call before they could answer. Alvez chuckled and shook his head, Spencer noticed that the man laughed a lot, whether it was because he was a genuinely happy person, or if he did it to cover up any lingering awkwardness around his new group, Spencer couldn’t tell.

“Quick with conversation, isn’t he?” Luke noted and handed the phone to Spencer, “I’ll let you talk to Miss Garcia, I don’t think she likes me much,” he said with a smile. Spencer let out a breathy laugh and continued to call Penelope and ask her to retrieve the information they needed. She said she’d get back to him as soon as possible but gave them the address of one of the men’s wives. 

The drive to Carter Jones’s house was a short one, he lived in an apartment complex not far from the coroner’s office. It was a nice enough complex, clean and modern. He must’ve made enough money to pay rent for an apartment this nice. They knocked on the door and Mrs. Jones answered the door. Her brow was creased in confusion, not usually a look on the face of a mourning wife. Luke shot Spencer a worried glance, she was either not concerned or she didn’t know. Both answers were concerning. Luke cleared his throat, “Mrs. Alicia Jones, my name is Agent Luke Alvez, and this is my friend Doctor Spencer Reid. Are you aware of your husband’s whereabouts?” he asked and her face fell.

“He went missing a month ago, do you have any information about him?” she asked frantically, allowing the men inside. Luke sighed and asked her to sit down. Her eyes became misty and she covered her mouth in shock. “Please tell me he’s okay,” she pleaded and Luke sat down beside her and took one of her hands in his. Spencer stood awkwardly, he was never good with these kinds of things and he hated that the two of them had to be the ones to tell her. 

“Ma’am, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we found your husband’s skeleton in a dumpster near a community college,” Luke said softly, holding her hands tightly, she broke down and sobbed grossly in front of them, Spencer looking around frantically for a tissue box. He saw one in the kitchen and rushed to bring it to the poor, grieving woman. They sat with her as she composed herself before they decided to talk to her about anything. Spencer knew how much fresh wounds hurt, and he didn’t want to poke and prod. After about ten minutes, she had calmed down enough to answer their questions. Spencer had no desire to stay in that apartment for much longer, but he knew they needed some kind of information that might help them. Twenty more minutes had passed and they had gotten nothing out of the woman. Luke told her that they would leave her to mourn and to contact them if she had any information. She thanked them and escorted them out. The got into the car and there was a tense silence. Spencer put his head in his hands and a long groan was drawn from his lips. Luke sighed and started the car to drive back to the sheriff’s office. Nothing else was said during the duration of their ride.

As Spencer and Luke entered the sheriff’s office, the whole group stood around the evidence board. Luke explained the situation with Carter Jones and Rossi clapped him on the back, telling him that he handled it well. The group discussed it and Penelope had called Hotch and reported the information about the other victim to him, telling them that the two went to the same college in Las Vegas. It was a start. They had spent most of the day setting up and it had gotten late. They decided to start fresh the next day with visiting the college and finding out the boy’s schedules. As they drove to the hotel, Spencer got an awful feeling. He was reminded of the last time he was alone and he didn’t know if he could do that again. The group got into the hotel and split off into their respective rooms. Spencer assumed Luke had noticed his anxiety and pulled him aside while the others said their goodnights.

Luke leaned against the door of his room nonchalantly, a kind smile on his face, “Are you okay? You seem a little more jittery than usual. I may have only been here for a day but I can tell when something’s up,” Luke said softly, and Spencer couldn’t find the words to explain.

“I just really don’t want to be alone,” Spencer whispered, he could feel himself closing in, his arms across his chest, standing tightly within himself. The lump in his throat prevented him from saying much else. Luke placed a gentle hand on his arm and for once, Spencer didn’t flinch away.

“Would it make it easier if you stayed with me? There’s a couch in my room, I can sleep on that,” he offered and Spencer forced a smile. “Look, no one told me what happened exactly, they just told me it was traumatic. I’ve dealt with trauma before, so if there’s anything I can do, I’d do it,” he said and Spencer nodded. Luke grinned and unlocked the door and allowing Spencer to walk in before him. The hotel room was as clean and organized as they come. Spencer dropped his go-bag by the bed and collapsed onto the mattress. With his face in the soft, cool pillows, he heard Luke laughing behind him. “Are you that tired, Spencer?” he asked and Spencer let out a small groan in response. There was a beat and Luke frowned, his curiosity got the best of him. “Why don’t you want to be alone?” he asked softly, throwing a blanket onto the couch.

Spencer turned his head toward Luke and adjusted himself. Spencer heaved a sigh and sat up, crossing his legs, “The last time I was in a hotel, it was with the man who broke my heart so ruthlessly, but more memorable was a dead man’s head in a box,” Spencer said and memories of Jack flashed through his head but he reminded himself that the past cannot hurt him now. Luke’s mouth dropped open and Spencer snorted. Luke’s face told Spencer that he was waiting for the punchline of a joke. “I’m not even close to kidding, Luke. God, I wish I was,” Spencer said and rubbed his face.

“Do you ever get tired of it?”

The question startled Spencer, “Of what?”

Luke walked over and took a seat next to Spencer on the bed. “Do you ever get tired of all the death? The death, the suffering, the sadness,” Luke asked softly, a sad frown on his lips. Spencer’s eyebrows creased in frustration.

“Well… of course. But it’s hard to put it down when you know how many lives you’re saving. The families who are able to get closure by seeing the person who harmed their loved one put behind bars,” Spencer shrugged lightly. He had never thought about his profession in the way Luke had suggested. Luke nodded, he seemed to understand. 

The rest of the night was quiet, and Spencer almost wished Luke hadn’t slept on the couch.

The boys woke up the next morning with orders from Hotch to visit the community college. Spencer wasn’t thrilled at the idea of talking to students about the victims. These were kids they went to school with. Spencer and Luke rushed out of the hotel and were on the road ten minutes after they woke up. The college was small and there were only a couple of medical classes in session at the moment. Luke and Spencer were constantly flashing their badges at passing staff members before they reached the actual classroom. When they entered, the professor stopped what he was doing to greet them. 

“Hello, officers, how may I help you today?” the professor, a tall man with curly black hair and big glasses, asked them. Spencer snorted quietly at the use of the term ‘officers’.

“Professor Edelstein, I’m Doctor Spencer Reid and this is Agent Luke Alvez. We would like to have a word with some of your students if you don’t mind our interruption,” Spencer said, casting a glance at the students in the room. One of them stood out, a small Asian boy looked jittery in his seat. He was glancing around nervously, Spencer noticed this immediately. That student knew something.

Edelstein grinned, “We have looked over some of your research, Doctor. Your work is extremely impressive.” Spencer thanked him and the man nodded and stepped aside, and Luke took over. 

“We are from the Behavioral Analysis Unit in Quantico, we have some information about some of your prior classmates. Two of them, Carter Jones and John Morris, were found dead. If you know anything about these two men, please contact us immediately. I will leave our information with your Professor,” Luke turned to Edelstein, who looked pale at the mention of the victims. “Have you had any tools go missing lately, sir? Specifically, a bone saw?” Luke asked and Edelstein’s eyes widened and he nodded.

“One of our bone saws went missing a little under six months ago,” he paused and frowned. “I still haven’t gotten it back,” he added and glanced at his students. Luke spoke to them a little more, and Spencer answered several questions about his work and the case itself. 

Spencer and Luke left the campus with nothing but suspicions. When they were all conversing at the sheriff’s office, Spencer got a call from one of the students. He introduced himself as Jeremy. He asked if he could come into the office and speak to him in person, revealing that he had information. Two hours later, the small Asian boy that Spencer had picked out of the classroom sat in an interrogation room with tears in his eyes. 

Spencer entered the room and sat down in front of the boy with a box of tissues and a glass of water. Jeremy sucked down the water and blew his nose. Spencer blinked at him and gave him an attempt at a smile. Jeremy was a very small boy with feminine features, he wore baggy sweaters and tight jeans.

“I know it can be hard to lose your friends-” Spencer started but Jeremy quickly interrupted him.

“I wasn’t friends with them,” he sniffled. “I didn’t know them personally, I have information on the killer,” Jeremy said with a very conflicted expression. Spencer’s eyes widened and he cleared his throat, hoping Jeremy would continue. “I will tell you everything you need to know, under one condition,” Jeremy said and looked down at the table. “I need immunity from any possible charges,” he said and Spencer nodded slowly. This was getting extremely interesting. “The killer is my boyfriend. His name is Lafayette Kingsley and he has been cannibalizing people for the past five months. He works at the fitness center across from the college and I’m the one who stole the bone saw from the lab. I taught him how to use it,” and at this, Jeremy burst into tears. Spencer felt like his brain was going to explode.

“Why didn’t you come forward sooner?” Spencer asked and Jeremy sniffled and grabbed more tissues. He had calmed down a little bit.

“I love him, and he told me he had it under control. I trusted him enough to know that he wouldn’t get me in trouble. My medical degree is extremely important to me, being a transgender doctor isn’t an easy task,” Jeremy added with a roll of his eyes. Spencer was processing a lot of information at this moment. “He told me it would be okay, but when you two walked into my class I knew he lied to me,” he said and began to cry harder than before.

“Where is Lafayette now?” Spencer asked gingerly and Jeremy made a motion for a pen and paper and Spencer was quick to retrieve it. Jeremy didn’t continue, but he wrote down an address and slid it over to Spencer. The doctor took the address and gave it to his team but not before explaining everything, especially Jeremy’s conditions.

Tara was left at the station to watch over Jeremy, who was still visibly upset, while the rest of the team dispatched to the address written on a pad in small handwriting. Rossi had rushed out of the building with Hotch on his heels and the rest of the team followed. Luke and Spencer hopped into a car with Emily in the back seat and they sped down the streets of Las Vegas. Neon lights sprinted past them, they were all on edge. The three of them were silent as the cars pulled up to a small townhouse. There was minor movement in the windows and the team barricaded the driveway with their cars. Each of them was suited up in bulletproof vests and armed. Spencer was ordered to stay behind, as a precaution, yet he couldn’t stop the hollow feeling in his chest as he watched Luke and Emily go up to the door.

Luke took a breath and knocked on the door with a heavy hand. “Lafayette Kingsley, open the door,” there was a beat and then no response. He looked to Emily, who rolled her eyes and started banging on the door.

“We know about the murders, Lafayette,” she yelled, and Luke raised his eyebrows. There was no sound in the house. Emily sighed and moved back, keeping her gun aimed at the door. “Kick the door in, Alvez,” she ordered and Luke nodded. 

Luke held his gun by his side as he slammed his shoulder into the door. The wood cracked but didn’t move. He tried again, ramming his full weight against the door. It burst open and a startled cry was heard from a different part of the house. Luke and Emily held their guns high as they followed the source of the noise. They checked the whole house and it was not until they reached the garage that they found their culprit. Lafayette was hunched over a bloodied corpse with a kitchen knife in his hands. Entrails covered the floor and blood was splattered on the walls. The corpse’s face was mutilated beyond recognition. Lafayette laughed quietly despite being up to his elbows in blood. “You caught me at a bad time, officers,” he said and winked. Luke rolled his eyes, trying to avoid the gore around him.

“Drop the weapon, Lafayette,” Emily spoke up and the man glanced between the two agents, clearly assessing his options. He raised his arms slowly, and Luke fidgeted under his intense gaze. A sly smirk was growing on Lafayette’s face and he chuckled softly. “Drop it,” Emily repeated.

“Sure thing,” he replied and his arm reeled back and the knife left his fingers and plants thickly in the side of Luke’s neck. Lafayette is already out of the room by the time Emily can let a shot loose in the garage. She drops to the floor beside Luke.

She radios the team, _“Lafayette is out, I repeat Lafayette is out. Alvez is critical.”_ Her eyes are wide and she’s more worried about how close the knife got to Luke’s jugular than the killer.

Spencer already has his weapon pointed at the door by the time Lafayette rushes out and he pulls the trigger twice. Lafayette cries out in pain and drops to the ground while SWAT rushes to get the man in cuffs. Spencer’s heart is beating rapidly in his ears and he feels his stomach twisting in knots as the paramedics rush into the house. 

He rides in the ambulance with Luke.

An hour later, the crew came back with a very muscular man with dark skin, thick, curly blue hair, and two nonfatal gunshot wounds in his abdomen. Jeremy identified him as his boyfriend and Lafayette showed no anger towards Jeremy, the only emotion on his face was the evident disappointment. Spencer was glad that they had solved the case with relative ease, and he was thankful for Jeremy’s help. Jeremy was released after they obtained his contact information. 

In spite of their victory, Spencer was with Emily at the hospital. The rest of the team showed up soon after Luke was released from surgery. The nurse had informed them that it was a fairly simple surgery and that the knife hadn’t pierced through anything vital. Spencer was particularly relieved. 

They all surrounded Luke’s hospital bed with worried looks and Penelope had brought a bouquet of flowers. They took shifts watching over him so some of the agents could go home and catch up on sleep. Spencer was thumbing through the hospital magazines for the sixth time that hour when Luke’s eyes fluttered open. The magazine fell from his fingers and he hit the nurse call button immediately. After about thirty minutes of the nurse fussing over Luke, Spencer tried to smile.

“I’m… glad you’re okay,” Spencer said softly and Luke grinned. Spencer was taken aback by the action.

“I haven’t been in the precinct long enough,” he laughed softly and Spencer joined him before shooting texts to the others that Luke was awake. Drugged, but awake. The team rushed over to the hospital to chat with him. Emily tried to apologize but Luke waved her off and told her it was part of the job. She couldn’t argue with that. They assured Luke that the criminal was caught and that everything was fine. He hadn’t been worried about the killer, he told them, they were good detectives. When the nurse ushered everyone out, Luke spoke up, “I’d like Spencer to stay.”

Spencer stayed with Luke through the night, and when the morning came, Spencer had breakfast with him in the hospital room. Hospitals made Spencer uneasy, but in that moment of breaking out the bag of pre-cut apples, Spencer found himself comfortable beside Luke. Conversation was easy with Luke, unlike it was with Derek, Spencer found himself openly speaking about what he loved and he listened intently when Luke spoke. Spencer found Luke charming, closely resembling a ‘boy next door’ type. They talked and laughed. 

“So,” Luke started, gingerly sitting up in the bed. “You mentioned something about your crazy Vegas nights as a teen, care to elaborate?” he asked with a grin. Spencer chuckled in remembrance.

“I used to run around with my friends and we would sneak into clubs and get super drunk and just dance. We got into a casino once, now that was quite an adventure,” Spencer said. “I honestly don’t know how we did it. We didn’t have fakes but they always left the back doors open and we got in with no difficulty. We drank and made lots of friends that we never saw again. Or saw too much of, you’d be surprised how many politicians you’d find in a Las Vegas casino.” They were both doubled over in laughter even after they had finished their grimy hospital breakfast. 

Luke urged Spencer to go home and shower after that. Emily filled in for him while he was gone. The rest of the team had gone back to Quantico to catch up on work after Luke insisted that he stayed in Las Vegas for a while longer.

A week later, Luke was discharged from the hospital and it happened to be Spencer who drove him back to the hotel. Spencer walked Luke to the door and realized this was where they’d part. Spencer’s crushing loneliness had been stifled by the almost constant contact with Luke. Luke noticed this.

“Would you like to come in?” Luke asked softly while unlocking his door, holding it open for Spencer. The doctor smiled, nodded and followed him inside. Spencer made tea and Luke flipped through the news.

Spencer brought two cups of tea to the small couch and handed one to Luke. “Why did you want to want to stay in Las Vegas?” he asked suddenly and Luke smiled.

“I wanted you to be able to see your mom before we left,” he said and they sat in silence, drinking their tea. 

Spencer looked up from his drink and met Luke’s warm brown eyes. Luke was a very handsome man, Spencer could not deny that. But he knew it was his personality that made Luke so incredibly attractive. His availability and open-mindedness seemed to be a good indicator as well. Spencer ignored the fluttering feeling in his stomach for the rest of the night.

Sooner than Spencer expected, he had invited Luke to join him to visit his mother. The two came into the doors of the hospital where his mother lived and the tension returned. Hospitals of any kind were of no comfort to Spencer. They checked in, Spencer attempting to explain to the woman that his mother was here, giving them her name and his relation. The woman at the desk seemed confused and it took thirty minutes for them to receive guest passes. Through the doors and into the lobby, Spencer recognized his mother seated at a table with a journal in her hands. She was vigorously scribbling in it and Spencer grinned, grabbing Luke’s hand and dragging him over to meet her.

“Mom?” Spencer said softly, as to not startle her, her writing stopped and she turned to him. Spencer watched as her entire face lit up as she spots him. She stood up from her chair and threw her arms around him. She was just as scrawny as her son but was a tad bit shorter than him. “Mom, I want you to meet someone,” Spencer said and moved to show Luke, who wore a warm smile. “This is Luke Alvez,” he said and his mother took no time in embracing him in a tight hug as well.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Reid,” Luke said, and Diane waved him off with a soft chuckle. Luke’s smile faltered for a moment.

“Please, call me Diane. I hope Spence hasn’t caused you any trouble, he’s a rascal,” Diane said, winking at Luke with a grin. Luke laughed and shook his head.

“None at all,” Luke said and they all sat down as Spencer began spilling the details of their last case. Diane was listening intently to every word that came out of Spencer’s mouth as if he were a prophet. She nodded and asked him questions, but Spencer kept Luke in the conversation as well. Diane had called over a nurse and asked for cups of tea for her guests. The orderly was kind and returned with tea and sugar. 

“What were you writing?” Spencer asked and Diane laughed and passed him the journal. The pages were filled with poetry and stories, ideas and letters to Spencer. He recognized a lot of the written words from letters she had sent him in the past. 

“Poetry has always been a good escape, maybe I can publish it all one day,” she said with a dreamy look on her face. Spencer nodded and flipped through the pages as Luke excused himself to go to the restroom. Diane watched him leave, and as soon as he was out of earshot she leaned in close. “Alright, is he your boyfriend?” Spencer did not expect this question but he shrugged lightly. “He looks at you like you’re his entire world, it’s really adorable Spence,” she said and winked at him. He laughed at her and they talked about Luke until they spot him exiting the restroom. Spencer quickly attempted to change the topic as he approached but Diane was not going to stop now. Luke sat down and Diane crossed her legs and leaned back in her chair. “So, Mr. Alvez. What are your intentions with my son?” Diane joked, a playful grin on her lips. Spencer choked on his drink.

Luke laughed softly, “My intentions are pure, ma’am,” Luke said as Spencer recovered. “Your son is unlike anyone I’ve ever met,” Luke added and Diane nodded.

“Damn right,” she said.

Spencer and Luke wrapped up the visit with his mother and Spencer promised to visit her again soon. They both hugged her goodbye, and Spencer and Luke left with happy hearts. The drive to the hotel was quiet, and as the crew packed up to get on the jet back to Quantico, they were all even quieter. Spencer found himself unable to sleep and he bounced his knee as his eyes struggled to focus on the words on the page. Luke had retreated into a bunk in the back of the plane and Spencer hadn’t seen him since they boarded. This made anxiety eat away at his insides. Spencer started to feel guilt and regret adding onto his growing panic. He shouldn’t have taken Luke to meet his mother. Spencer closed his book and rubbed his eyes, he was so tired but he knew he wouldn’t sleep.

When they landed in Quantico, Spencer was the first one off the plane. He rushed back to the office and grabbed his stuff. He hadn’t noticed Luke walking up to his desk. Spencer looked up at Luke and seeing the soft look on his face, all his anxiety melted away.

“Wanna go get lunch?” he asked and Spencer found himself nodding before he thought it through. Luke drove, and let Spencer chose where they ate. Seeing the Greek restaurant, he froze and pointed to the French bakery beside it. They ordered coffee and eclairs. 

“Not much of a lunch,” Spencer joked and Luke chuckled and nodded in agreement.

“I really liked meeting your mom. She’s a very fascinating woman,” he said and Spencer smiled. “A little odd, if I might add.”

“She has the right to be, she’s in a mental hospital for a reason,” Spencer said in a lighthearted tone. The two continued to talk about non-work related things, avoiding the topic altogether. Spencer had the joy of listening to Luke talk about Roxie more and expressed that he desperately wanted to meet this dog. So, Luke invited Spencer to his apartment after their lunch. 

Luke’s apartment was clean and tidy, albeit the dog toys scattered around the floor. Luke began to make coffee and Spencer took to looking around more. Luke noticed his searching and grinned before whistling softly. The big German Shepherd came barging out of the room and almost knocked him over. Roxy continued to nudge his legs until he was right back to the seats. Luke chuckled. “Roxy, this is my friend, Spencer,” he hummed softly to the dog and Luke saw the smile on Spencer's lips as he reached down to scratch behind her ear. “Roxy is my best friend, after I was discharged, my officer told me to get a dog. He told me it was a never-ending source of comfort, and he was right,” Luke continued and Spencer nodded in response. 

The two ended up moving wordlessly to the floor as they drank their coffee and snuggled next to Roxy. Spencer was anxiously chewing on his lip and Luke noticed right off the bat, but he kept quiet. Luke also noticed that the silences between the two weren’t filled with awkwardness or tension. He was okay with that, it was nice to be able to sit in silence and appreciate the person he was with rather than fill the silence with unnecessary words that they would later forget. Well, maybe Spencer wouldn’t forget, but they were certainly unnecessary. Luke really got to examine Spencer at this moment. He was tall and lanky, he sat with his legs crossed. There were dark circles under his big brown eyes. His hair was long, and Luke assumed it was bothering him by the way Spencer tugged at it occasionally. Being closer to the doctor showed Luke the subtle glisten of Spencer’s contacts. 

Luke enjoyed spending time with Spencer, he was smart and surprisingly witty. He was attractive and a great conversationalist. Luke found himself not wanting Spencer to leave any time soon. He knew he wasn't gay. He was almost sure of it. However, Spencer was making him start to doubt himself. After a moment of watching Spencer pet Roxie, he thought it was okay. So he asked him.

“Do you want to spend the night?”

Spencer already had his go-bag with him, despite already having used all the clean clothes in it. Because of this, he sat on Luke’s bed in Luke’s sweatpants beside Luke’s dog. It all felt a little overwhelming, the intense smell of Luke’s cologne that stained the entire apartment and the warmth of the dog by his side. He felt giddy. He was okay with this.

Spencer was skimming a book he had read ten times before and looked up at the sound of the bathroom door opening. Luke came out with a towel around his waist. His tan and toned body stood out, and Spencer found himself staring. Luke chuckled and walked over to Spencer, tapping the underside of his chin. “You’re drooling,” he joked and Spencer laughed nervously. “Have I been reading this wrong?” Luke asked, a furrow in his brow. Spencer had gone through this before. He refused to let this happen again.

“You don’t have any secret girlfriends I should know about?” Spencer asked playfully, referencing Derek. Luke laughed and shook his head. “Then you’re not reading anything wrong,” Spencer said and pulled Luke down for a kiss. There was no hesitation, no secrets, and no hiding. Spencer knew what he wanted and he was going to do everything in his power to keep this one.

The next morning, Spencer woke up with the sun shining through the blinds and Luke’s strong arms wrapped possessively around his waist. Spencer inhaled the scent of Luke’s cologne and he felt at peace for the first time in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like how this chapter came out after I rewrote it five times. Thanks for your patience and support with this fic. I enjoyed writing it and I love all the feedback I got on it. Thank you all so much for reading and leaving comments and kudos. Much love to you all.
> 
> Until Next Time ;)  
> Adrian

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading the first chapter of, "Sanity and Insanity". I'm very happy with how this came out so I appreciate comments and kudos. Please let me know what I can fix or what you like about it. Thank you again!
> 
> Until Next Time,  
> Adrian


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